Category Archives: Pets
Back in August, I wrote a post called “Radically Free.” It came about because I was feeling disillusioned by my healthy lifestyle after being diagnosed with cancer.
A lot of people will report they feel betrayed by their bodies when they are diagnosed with an illness. I’m not sure if I would use such a harsh term to describe how I felt, but there’s no denying that it definitely hurt my feelings and ego.
The first thing anyone does when diagnosed with a disease like cancer is ask “why, when, and how?” It just didn’t make sense to me how I could end up with lymphoma. I exercised 5-6 times a week. I followed the food guide recommendations. I didn’t drink that much. Generally, I was a pretty happy person.
I mean sure, I’d had my party hardy days like anyone else my age. I smoked for six years, but hadn’t touched a cigarette in just as long. I cleaned up my act to be a healthier person. But I still ended up really, really unhealthy in a way I never thought could be so possible so soon in my life.
Beginning from the time I was admitted to hospital, I started to doubt what I preached as a personal trainer and nutrition specialist. Did any of it really matter? My grandmother eats nothing but white bread and soup with MSG, and she’s 88 years old with no physical health issues.
Time however is a funny thing, and as time has gone on my perception of this has changed.
Cancer, illness, accidents, we can’t control these things. We can do all we want to prevent them, but in the end we don’t get the final say. We just don’t.
Instead, I’ve come to be thankful for the time spent being healthy before my diagnosis. Why? Because it’s made being sick so much easier.
Treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is no walk in the park. There’s a reason why it’s so effective. They weren’t fooling around when they cooked up the cocktail for the 14cm mass in my chest. So while I have indeed been on my ass these past couple days because of treatment, I really do think I am overall handling it okay. And I credit that fully to the good shape my body was in before I started treatment.
I hate to think what treatment would feel like if it weren’t for the healthy eating and exercise habits I’d already established beforehand. I might be weaker. I might be sicker. I might be more susceptible to infection.
So I guess it’s safe to say I’m not quite so disillusioned anymore. Perhaps treating my body well won’t ever be able to prevent illness, but I’ll still treat it right if it helps me get through illness stronger. If anything, I’m happy I had the good sense to take care of my body while I could. So when the time came, it could withstand what it needed to in order to live.
Chemo #11 went as well as it could on Wednesday. Buster is feigning chemo fatigue and we’ve been napping lots. My oncologist said he can’t imagine I’d need to do any more chemo after this round, so I’ll be sitting in the treatment chair for what may be the last time in FIVE days! I don’t have my appointment for the PET scan yet, which will show if there’s any active cancer left and decide on the rest of my treatment plan. But you can tell Santa all I want is Zofran for Christmas.
Have a great weekend!
Sometimes I feel like I am in the minority of cancer patients in that I don’t often get very upset about my situation.
I mean, I am upset. I just don’t get upset. The only time I’ve cried throughout this experience has been the result of additional stresses in my life that have nothing to do with the cancer. They just upset me more easily because I’m full of cracks from the cancer.
There are moments however when I do feel really sad about what has become of my life. As a young adult, I was guilty of thinking I was invincible. Of assuming I had a lifetime ahead of me to do things. Not that I don’t think cancer is going to cut any of that short, but the word “if” is used a lot more these days instead of “when.”
My friend Lauren reminded me the other day of my favourite Leonard Cohen lyrics, which I’ve shared on this blog before:
“There is a crack, a crack in everything/That’s how the light gets in”
Without the cracks caused by cancer, I wouldn’t have some of the light they let in. Hands down, the brightest light of this whole thing has been BUSTER!
Call me a crazy dog lady all you want, this little pooch makes me one happy girl. The opportunity to get a dog has easily been the best thing to come out of this crazy cancer experience. Even when he mistakes the kitty litter for a playpen, or insists on going for a walk at 10pm.
And today my little Buster Bartholomew is one year old!! I got him from another owner when he was 10 months old. I guess he is now officially an adolescent dog, despite his scrawny puppy-like looks.
Please excuse the hack icing job. I whipped it up this morning while chugging back my coffee.
If you’re interested, here’s what went into the dog-friendly microwave cake:
- 1/4 cup flour
- 1/2 tbsp baking powder
- 1 flax egg (1 tbsp ground flax + 3 tbsp water)
- 1 tbsp peanut butter
- 2 tbsp applesauce
All mixed up and cooked in a greased bowl for about 3 minutes in the microwave. Topped with a quick icing that got licked up immediately.
My little Buster however is a very special snowflake and isn’t blessed with the iron stomach of many other dogs. So he didn’t get to have all of his cake in one sitting.
One little piece at a time! I call him my “Dust Buster” because he likes to hoover the crumbs up off the floor.
Buddy the Boxer is here too and got to reap the benefits of the birthday celebration. My step-sister watched from the sidelines with her human baby boy, laughing at the lengths I go to celebrate my non-human child.
Call me crazy all you want, I refuse to let the light of those cracks let slip through my fingers. Without them, things would get pretty dark around here.
Happy birthday Buster!!