Daily Archives: December 9, 2011
I feel like even though I am pretty open and honest about this cancer experience, there is one topic that I have both inadvertently and purposely avoided.
Whoa. I know. Why am I talking about death on a Friday?
Well, for one I haven’t worked in months and have no perception of weekdays anymore. Sheesh.
But please, stick with me on this one.
Death is something I NEVER thought about previously as a healthy twenty-something. Even though I tried my best to be healthy, it wasn’t necessarily to prevent an early death. It was more to make the best of my body while I had it.
Unlike what many people believe, cancer is not a death sentence. When I was told I had cancer, I didn’t automatically think “Well that’s that, my life is over.” Because I still had to wake up the next day and go through the hours. I’ve been waking up every day since. I’m still the same person with the same thoughts and feelings as I was before the cancer thing happened.
With that said however, cancer has made me realize that I will die. Like, really realize. It’s one thing to think of it as this far-off event, it’s another to wonder what it would be like if it happened in a few months. Of all the things I’ve had to wrap my head around since my diagnosis, my imminent death has been one of them.
As my friend Eden recently reminded me – “Life is a terminal illness.” I think that attitude has helped me better understand and make peace with what I am going through. It’s not about stepping down or giving in to death. It’s about recognizing it and living your life despite it. Who cares about when it will happen, today I still woke up and had hours to live.
I am not an overly spiritual or religious person, but I like to think it doesn’t end with death. I find a lot of comfort in these words spoken by the wise old Albus Dumbledore:
“After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
It doesn’t matter when or how it happens, it is going to happen. When it does I hope I can take it gracefully, and until then I’ll be thankful for every hour spent living.