Vanity Pounds

I have found myself in a bit of a pickle.

Remember when I proclaimed I would lose my Toronto Ten pounds? I was all gung-ho to get back down to the smaller version of myself before I left the Maritimes.

Well, I haven’t. Not a smidge. I’m definitely eating better and exercising more regularly. But because I haven’t really done anything drastic or been very strict, it hasn’t translated into any form of weight loss.

I have to say, I’m not really that hung up about it. And it’s the lack of emotion about it that really confuses me.

I mean, my body is actually in a very happy place right now. It’s at that size I always was throughout high school and university before I gained a bunch of weight in third year, then ended up losing even more weight.

I am now asking myself… Are those 10 vanity pounds really worth it??

I don’t hate the way I look now. I’m 5’7” so my frame can handle it. If anything, I just wish I could lift weights again and get my muscle tone back. I love being able to brunch on the weekends, have drinks with friends, and not worry about maintaining my current weight. It’s really nice to skip the gym sometimes and not feel anxious about the calories I’m not burning. 

Now that I’m no longer a personal trainer, I also no longer feel the pressure to look the part. It is such a heavy burden off my shoulders. It’s nice to be in a place where I know my paychecks don’t depend on how I look.

But if I’m being honest, the real reason why I still think about losing those 10 vanity pounds stems purely from the fact that I’m a single girl. Plain and simple.

But knowing the choices I’d have to make in order to lose those pounds, I know I’d then become a pretty boring single girl as well.

At this point in my life, especially considering that I am overcoming an injury, all I can ask is to be healthy. That’s getting my green veggies, staying active, and enjoying some of the best pleasures in life. You know I’m talking about cookies here.

I’m not saying I’m giving up on losing those 10 lbs. Especially considering I no longer fit into my summer clothes from last year. But I’m still not committed to living in a calorie deficit either. So I’m stuck somewhere in the middle here and just don’t know which way to go.

Ugh. Weight loss. What I’d give to just not have to think about it ever again.


Me, as a morbidly obese baby, back when rolls were acceptable.

P.S. I’m off to see my surgeon this morning to get the surgery verdict. Wish me luck!!


Posted on May 24, 2011, in Weight Loss. Bookmark the permalink. 34 Comments.

  1. LOVE THE BABY PICTURE! Hahaha and I feel like this: “But knowing the choices I’d have to make in order to lose those pounds, I know I’d then become a pretty boring single girl as well” shows you should keep living how you’re living and enjoy! You said you’re happy and healthy so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?! I’d rather fully enjoy life and be at a slightly higher weight :)

  2. This post is really inspirational. I’ve been underweight, and now, after gaining some weight, am at a healthy one. But, maybe I could still use some fat, and not stick to my vanity weight. Thank you.
    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you today!

  3. I am at a similar place right now. It feels like limbo! Good luck this am.

  4. I love the picture, as I was also the fattest baby ever. My mom called my feet tennis balls with toes. Anyway, I think health is something people confuse with vanity at times, so it’s great to read that you can differentiate the two and prioritize.

    I’m also single but on the other end–underweight–and know the changes I am trying to make are done only for me and my health, not for anyone else. Overweight, underweight–just words and judgments. Happy, healthy–things to strive for ;)

  5. Great post as usual Susan :)

    Good luck with the surgeon- I’m thinking good thoughts for you!

  6. What a well written, inspiring take on those last ten pounds. Good for you for realizing happiness is more important than a few extra pounds! I absolutely loved this, and I think it’s something we all need to be reminded of every now and again.

    Good luck at the doctor’s!!


  7. That is probably one of the worst parts of training…feeling the need to look the part. I hear ya on vanity pounds. Once you get to a point where you’re comfortable it really isn’t worth being miserable over.

  8. What a well-written post, Susan. And you are gorgeous – with or without the ten pounds. I also totally get what you mean about the personal training bit – there is a bit of pressure there!

  9. Hi Susan! Good luck with your doc appt!

    My two cents: If you’re happy where you are, then there is no reason to sweat it. I :will: say, however, that I have lost about 11 vanity pounds in the last six months after getting out of a long-term relationship, and it feels great. I do think that the weight loss was a big part of boosting my confidence to go on a first blind date about a week and a half ago… and the new dude in my life is wonderful! Still have about 4 pounds left to lose before I am at my happy “vanity weight,” i.e. comfy enough to prance around in a bathing suit and not sweat it.

    • Yesyesyes! That’s exactly why I keep moaning about these last 10 vanity pounds. Because I’ve been at my dream weight before, and it really was a dream. A huge part of my confidence comes from my size as well (unfortunately) and I’m not sure if I’m ready to give that up yet either!

  10. Good luck at the doctor!

    I think you look great! I decided long ago that it wasn’t worth it to me to deprive myself. I just try to be as healthy as possible with occassional indulgences. It keeps me sane! :)

  11. “Now that I’m no longer a personal trainer, I also no longer feel the pressure to look the part. It is such a heavy burden off my shoulders. It’s nice to be in a place where I know my paychecks don’t depend on how I look.”—

    Well amen for that!!! I make my living with my looks and I’d still look the same with or without my income depending on it (I think) but I can totally relate.

    You look amazing Susan. Always have,always will. Especially adorable as a baby. As I mentioned to you before once, your mother just made “cream”. You were getting cream from the tap, not skim or reduced fat. LOL

    Best of luck at the dr. and getting healthy (and being alive!) trumps 10 lbs. Your outlook is so refreshing!

  12. That photo….I DIE! And you know I totally, 100% relate to this. Minus the injury and former trainer past, but youknow. I’m just not at a point where I’m willing to give up a social life, or hell, even the foods I really love, to lose those pesky 10 lbs. I’m giving up sugar for the month of June but that’s more to prove to myself that I can than anything else. And I’m being paraded in front of my family and friends in a month and a half then I’m off to Hawaii for vacation and I STILL can’t bring myself to do it. I just have to be at peace with the fact that honestly I might never be totally happy with my belly or arms, but there is a lot more to me then that, so the photos will be what they are :-)

    • I think me and you are similar in that we both have to be VERY strict with our diet and exercise to get our bodies down to an ideal weight (for us). But you know, no one but me ever notices when I am at that weight. They just notice that I’m a party pooper because I don’t drink beer! :P

  13. I’m at a very similar place – about 10 lbs above my “ideal” weight. I’d love to get back down again, but I also love my nightly glass of wine and eating out. I also put on a bikini yesterday and wasn’t horrified with how I look. Even though the scale says I’m heavier, I think I look more toned and am more fit than I was at a lower weight. I’m still going to watch what I eat but just won’t stress about it.

  14. That baby picture is awesome! I feel ya about the vanity weight, but I know that I need to be realistic (newly single, and I need to go out) and know that I’m in a place where I have way more opportunities to go out and eat food/drinks that may not be ideal- and that’s ok! As long as I’m 80% I don’t think it’s worth it to fret too much.

  15. susan. first and foremost, i have a theory that the chubbier the baby, the better. second, i totally feel you on the vanity pounds. i have about 7 pounds myself, and while they didn’t bother me for awhile, i realized this weekend i need to get back on a regular schedule – sleeping, working out, eating, etc. and i am going to do my best to do so. life ebbs and flows – so does weight. in the end, there are so many more important things to worry about!!

  16. great thoughts! i love the chubby baby photo, that’s exactly what i looked like. and amen to wishing i never had to think about weight loss EVER AGAIN. i know what you mean about not really caring a lot about the extra weight and in turn wondering why you don’t care very much. i have been in a very similar spot. i think that vanity weight and happy weight are very different. while i would love to look like i did when i was 10 lbs lighter, it wasn’t a happy life for me. thanks for always writing the most thought out posts and making ME think! i love you!

  17. oh and good luck at the doc! where are my manners?

  18. I like your outlook, Susan! I think that the ”right” weight is the one you’re at when you’re living healthy but still enjoying life, without depriving yourself. And when I say weight, I don’t really mean pounds, because that’s just a number. Your arm probably prevents you from moving that much, but with recovery you’ll be moving more and more and I’m sure eventually that extra weight will come off.

  19. “all I can ask is to be healthy. That’s getting my green veggies, staying active, and enjoying some of the best pleasures in life. You know I’m talking about cookies here” hahah I love this quote!! you need to make that yoru own and copyright it because it is SO darn true!!! you are happy, healthy and beautiful and have such a bright future!! oh and that baby picture MADE my evening!

  20. AH good luck at the doc!!!

  21. It is so hard to figure out what is vanity weight and true weight. At least for me.

    It’s such a good thing to take the pressure off, though – that is for sure!

  22. Sometimes I think life would be easier if we were all little chubby kids again! :)

  23. Oh my gosh, look at you! Such a precious babe Susan, and you still are. I’m right there with ya on the 10 pounds and not really fitting into my summer clothes from last year either. So, I just went out and bought new ones. :)

    • Yup, I totally went out and bought new work clothes. I guess that just goes to show how committed (or not committed!) I am to losing those vanity pounds :P

  24. Yes, those last 10 pounds- the eternal dilemma. It takes an extraordinary amount of work and all work and no play makes JIll a dull girl- at least for me. You know, even when I was at my ‘dream’ weight about 5 yrs ago, I still wanted to go lower ‘just to be on the safe side’ and my husband said I’d never be satisfied with my weight. I’m sure he’s right.

    GOod luck with this and hopefully the doc went well! I’m behind on reading and I’ve been twitwol, so not sure…

  25. Lara (Thinspired)

    Susan, I am in EXACTLY the same place as you. Not at my highest, DEFINITELY not at my lowest, but about where I’ve been most of my adult life and probably at the weight that my body, not my mind, enjoys most.

    I could relate to so much of what you wrote in this post and had to come out of hiding to comment and say thanks. I gained 10 solid pounds over the holidays, and it’s just not budging. I am back to eating like a “normal” person, but not restricting or doing anything drastic. I agree…drinks out, dessert, restaurant meals…I think I’ve just decided that forgoing those to be “skinny” is just not worth it!

    You are beautiful!

    • You are beautiful too Lara!! Actually, I think a person who can go out and enjoy themselves without worrying about the way they look is way more beautiful than someone 10lbs thinner :)

  26. You are a total babe. 10lbs= better cleavage. Weight is such a funny fickle thing. Enjoy life, enjoy your body, and keep posting blogs like this because more people need to understand that weight doesn’t equal happiness or unhappiness.

    • Hahaha, I keep joking that maybe Mother Nature isn’t such a cruel bitch after all because she gave me some of my boobs back when I gained the weight. I’ll take it! ;)

  27. Ahaha I was a rather chubby baby too…yay for doing nothing but eating and sleeping.

    And I for one don’t think losing those 10 lbs is at all necessary – you look great, eat healthy, delicious food, and are enjoying life :)

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