Burning Down the House

I have no idea how to even prelude the craziness that went down today. So I’m just gonna get right into it.

First off, I slept 9.5 hours last night. I haven’t done that in years. I must have really needed it. I briefly contemplated going to a step class, but I really just wanted pancakes in bed. More precisely, blue pancakes.

 
Apparently Thursday was blueberry pancake day and I missed it. That needed to be remedied at once!

• 1/2 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 cup cottage cheese
• 1/2 cup egg whites
• 1/4 cup frozen blueberries, blended in
• vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• cinnamon

I keep forgetting to mention it, but that brown sludge that’s always on the side of my waffle and pancake photos is almond butter whisked with fake syrup. I’m obsessed with it :)

After this I made a feeble attempt to go to a yoga class. Got outside all ready to go, to find a wall of snow at the end of my driveway. Shovelling out meant being late for class, and my mucus head wasn’t too keen on spending any amount of time in a -20 windchill. So I brought my sorry ass back into the confines of my warm apartment.

Instead I spent the morning scrubbing my kitchen top to bottom, including the cupboards and fridge. Breaked for a super lunch.

 
Breakfast sandwich with egg, cheese and tofurkey. Nomnom. I would like to eat nothing but breakfast all day.

At some point I caught the baking bug. I wanted to add toasted almonds to this week’s batch of protein bars, so I sprayed some with canola oil and popped them in the toaster oven.

Then I went to Google something. I can’t remember what. I just remember smelling burning and running into the kitchen. My toaster oven was billowing smoke. Acting on impulse, I opened the door and giant flames licked out. I’ve started small kitchen fires before that were put out with oven mitts or water. But this was a real, burn-your-house-down fire. It just kept getting bigger!!!

Thank GOD I remembered seeing a fire extinguisher in the entrance hallway leading to my apartment. I ran up the stairs grabbed it, pulled out what looked like a pin and pushed what looked like a lever.

First, a lot of foam comes out of those things (I just had a small one). My first spray didn’t put out the fire, so I had to do it a second time.

You couldn’t see through my small bachelor apartment from the smoke and fire extinguisher foam. I was coughing and spitting up godknowswhat. I was in complete and utter shock. Started shaking violently trying to wrap my head around the fact that I almost burnt my house down. Not just my house, but the house I share with several other people.

I immediately called my mother, who seems to only ever talk to me on the phone through hysterical crying these days. Thank you so much mom. You definitely held me together today.

Aaanyways, thankfully, my apartment is already a dump (hey, you get what you pay for). I think there is some actual cupboard damage under the smoke stains.

And my can of organic raisins will never be the same.

I also had a thick layer of CO2 dust all over everything in my kitchen. Every little corner I’d scrubbed just hours prior had to be scrubbed again. Including the pile of dishes I’d just washed.

 

I have a feeling I’ll be wiping that stuff off things for weeks. It even got on my shoes in the back corner.

I spoke to both my parents after the ordeal, and both suggested I take something to calm myself down. More precisely, they suggested a beer. Who am I to argue with the experts?

I’m a non-drinker, so it only took half for the shaking to stop and the rosy cheeks to set in. Good call mom and dad :)

I paired the brew with something that was baking in the oven while all this was going down. April’s Low Carb Sweet Bread.
 

Ingredients:

• 1 cup ground flaxseed
• 1 cup wheat-bran
• 1/4-1/2 cup pure pumpkin (depending how moist you like your bread- I like mine really moist so I used 1/2 cup) 1/4 cup sweet potato baby food
• 1 cup liquid egg substitute
• 1/2 cup hot water
• 1 tbsp each baking powder and cinnamon I totally missed this step!! Dammit! No wonder it turned out flat :(
• 2 tsp pure stevia extract 1/2 cup splenda

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a loaf pan with nonstick baking spray.
2. Combine all ingredients.
3. Pour into baking pan, bake for about 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

I am not allowed to cook with a mucus brain anymore. I can’t believe I forgot the baking powder!

After the fire debacle, there was no way I was using the oven or stove for dinner.

 
Pita with teriyaki herring, zucchini, mushrooms, yellow pepper, onion, lettuce.

And veggies with tzatziki on the side.

I have to cut my baby carrots in half – they make them too big!

Evening snack was the fire culprit – PB&J protein bar.

• 2 cups rolled oats
• 4 scoops vanilla whey protein powder
• 6 tbsp almond butter
• 4 tbsp raspberry jam
• 1/2 cup water
• NO TOASTED ALMONDS

All mixed up, flattened into a 9×9 pan, put in the freezer, and cut into 8 pieces. These turned out to be a little on the gooey side, so they’ll have to be kept in the freezer. A little fire extinguisher dust got on the mixture too, so they may or may not kill me. But I’m too cheap to throw them out, I put expensive ingredients into those!!

 

Oof. So what was supposed to be a relaxing day of cleaning, turned into a near death experience and approximately four years removed from my life. Inhaling all that smoke was probably not good for my current illness, but maybe the crying helped cleanse it out? :P

Lesson of the day: know where your fire extinguisher is and know how to use it!! Doesn’t matter how careful you think you are, fires can start instantly, and get out of control even more quickly. I’m really lucky that somewhere in the back of my brain i knew how to use one. Must have clung on to that third grade demonstration better than I thought!

Question of the Day: Have you ever had any close calls with fires? Please tell me I’m not the only one!

 

P.S. Emily wrote an eye-opening post that everyone should read. Especially those readers struggling with eating disorders.

P.P.S. Morgan received the blogaversary pacakage! Yay! Much better than the disaster that was my last giveaway.