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Body Love

Woo!! T-G-I-F!! This is an especially exciting weekend because my mommy is coming to visit! She arrives Friday evening and staying until we get sick of each other :)

I pre-wrote some of this post, so I’m going to keep the food rambles to a minimum. I just got back from an evening out with the gals from work and it’s waaaay past my bedtime!

Started the day off with my new favourite cardio sesh at the gym. 35 minutes of intervals on the elliptical – 1 minute sprints followed by 2 minutes recovery at varying levels. Then 10 minutes on the rowing machine and 10 minutes on the stepmill. I don’t know why but my heart rate was mega high today!! I maxed out at 179 (91%) which I typically only do in races or really fast training runs – not on the elliptical!

Refuelled at the office with smoked salmon, laughing cow, mustard, capers, onions, sprouts, lettuce on an english muffin.

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And an orange :)

Lunch was a beast of a salad.

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Tossed in some canola oil + red wine vinegar and topped with leftover Spinach, Ham and Ricotta Pie. The pie tasted awesome cold on top of the salad! Definitely deserves a remake for tomorrow.

Supper involved more ham because I have a huge chunk of it in my fridge I need to get through! For some reason my mind has been drifting to ham and cheese oatmeal so I made it for dinner.

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  • 1/2 cup rolled oats
  • 1 1/2 cups water
  • 1 whole egg, whisked in while cooking
  • pinch salt and pepper
  • 55g ham, cubed
  • 15g old cheddar cheese

Look at those creamy custard oats!!!

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Ohmygaaaahhhhthiswasgood. So, so good. I want it for supper again tomorrow too ;)

 

Now on to more serious matters…

I’ve noticed there are two kinds of food bloggers – those who are losing weight/maintaining a weight loss, and those who are in recovery from an eating disorder.

This has always fascinated me, that two people with seemingly opposite goals can be drawn to the other. While I’m in the former group – a weight loss gal – I know that I have a lot of readers who deal with disordered eating. Conversely, I read a lot of blogs written by those who are in ED recovery.

The obvious similarity is that our problems are problems with food. We eat too much, not enough, obsess over it, control it, and think about it all the time. But it has always gone beyond that for me. The things those struggling with ED write about often hit very close to home with me. While I have dealt with a few food issues, I have never dove deep into disordered eating. Any of my old struggles with food stemmed from a lack of knowledge, nothing deeper than that.

So why do I always read these blogs nodding my head in agreement? I know what it’s like to hate my body. I know what it’s like to find comfort in treating it badly.

I think this is something a lot of people can relate to, not just those who’ve suffered from an eating disorder.

In my REAL story, I say “I went to a deep and dark place, and for a brief moment, myself and my family had genuine concern I wasn’t going to come out.”

At this time in my life, I was suffering from serious anxiety and depression. I found comfort in my depression. I would wake up every morning, and instead of dragging myself through another day, I would cozy up to the awful feelings inside and stay in bed. I would often pull the covers over my head, wishing it was a hole I could just crawl into and lavish in my depressive thoughts forever. There were many mornings where I would collapse on the kitchen floor, crying hysterically to my mother who just wanted me to get up and go to school. I liked where I was in my miserable depressive state, and I stubbornly did not want to venture out.

I also found comfort in treating my body badly. I liked being reckless with it. I found an odd comfort in puffing back cigarettes, knowing they were slowly killing me. Yes, I ingested drugs, again liking how I felt when I was weak and helpless to their effects. I didn’t like myself, so why would I want to take the time to treat my body well? If anything, I wanted to punish my body.

This has been weighing heavily on my mind as I’ve been reading from a lot of bloggers recently about how they found comfort in their eating disorders. It just sounds so much like how I felt about my depression and body during my own darkest days.

So how did I get out of it? It was quite simple actually. My parents brought me to a psychologist who sat me down and told me straight up that I was responsible for my own depression and I was the only person who could get myself out of it. I don’t know what happened, but a light bulb went off in that moment. I realized I didn’t have to find comfort in my depression anymore, but I had the power and ability to crawl out of the hole I dug for myself. Only me. Just one decision.

The body-love took a lot longer to get the hang of. I don’t think that really clicked for me until I decided to lose the extra weight for good. I think part of the reason I was overweight for so long is because I didn’t love my body. During my weight loss process though, I woke up every day with a new confidence in my own skin. It wasn’t because I was getting skinnier, but I was getting skinnier because I respected my body enough to not treat it badly anymore.

So that is my story. My two take-home points are – only you can change your thoughts and state of well being, and your number-one relationship needs to be the one you have with yourself. Love your body, mind and spirit.

 

Question of the Day: What’s one thing you love about your body? One thing you love about your personality? I love my long, lean legs. I’m pushing 5’7” and most of that height is in my legs! I also love my simple personality. I’m a to-the-point kind of person. No drama, no extra fluff. Just plain and simple :)

Things I Learned – October 2009

Another month, a whole new set of Things I Learned! If you’re curious, you can also check out what I learned in September and July. (apparently, August was void of any life lessons…)

October turned out to be a big month for me, I learned:

  • I am the only person who can make ME happy. In every sense of the phrase.
  • Sometimes, the small things no longer cut it, and it takes some big things to change that
  • Running out of coffee when you’re up at 4am really, really sucks
  • Gas station coffee will never cut it

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  • Never buy cheap cheese, it’s not worth it.

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  • Sometimes the known is much scarier than the unknown
  • Home is wherever your family is. Whether it be immediate family, extended family, or a family of friends
  • There is no such thing as too many apples

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  • Size and weight do not dictate my happiness. Being thin may make life easier sometimes, but in no way does it make life perfect.
  • Daylight savings is awesome when the clocks go back and you work at 5am the next day.
  • Just because I can’t hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, doesn’t mean I can’t hand it out to myself.

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  • Goals are meant to be accomplished, no matter how lofty they may seem.
  • When my body speaks, I should to listen
  • Simply Bars have awesome nutritionals

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  • But the cocoa cacao with raspberry flavour just doesn’t do it for me.

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  • Nothing in my kitchen is off-limits. Sometimes, I just need to get my hands dirty and try out new dishes.
  • I really, really enjoy exercise classes
  • Candy corn is not at all the jujube candy I expected, but a sweet, creamy, addictive treat.

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  • I need to listen to my gut more often
  • Some days a little bit of living room yoga is enough
  • When I can’t be what I want to be doing, I can at least lose myself in one of my favourite books

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Happy Halloween everyone!!!!

Question of the day: What did you learn in October?

A Tale of Two Digits

Okay, no more job talk today! :P I actually had a big day in that I hit what I consider to be one of my biggest fitness goals.

I kinda-sorta slept in today and tried to make a fancy feast of french toast. However, I made the rookie mistake of over-soaking the bread in egg whites.

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Still delicious, they were just super egg-y and fell apart on me. Had an orange dipped in almond butter on the side.

And don’t worry – I’m still eating lots of apple treats!

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These apple oatmeal muffins have taken up the space in my freezer that’s usually dedicated to vitamuffins. Slathered in PB. Of course.

I couldn’t wait for lunch today so I could make a pita with my leftover roast chicken.

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Do I even have to say this was good? :P Who needs deli meat?

I used a new-to-me hummus on the pita as well.

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I’m told this is the closest thing to Sabra hummus that you can find in the Maritimes. It’s pretty darn good! I liked the garlic in the centre. Besides the presentation, it wasn’t anything to run home about though. President’s Choice Organics hummus, in my opinion, is just as good.

Theeeen, I waited 2.5 hours, mustered up all my courage, and hit the trails for 10 miles. That’s right my friends! Double digits!!!

This is a huge running accomplishment for me. I have no idea why, but I’ve always put double-digit runs on a sort of “pedestal.” I always thought they were so hardcore, and I’ve never considered myself hardcore at, anything!

I tricked myself into thinking that I was just going on a very long jog. No stress. It was a nice and sunny day out, 6 C (43 F) so not too cold. Not a lick of wind either, the river looked like glass.

My first 5 miles were easy, other than the fact that I was having tummy troubles. For the record, garlicky hummus and dark chicken meat do not make the best pre-run meal :P My stomach doesn’t digest high fat foods well, and I was very crampy/burpy for the first half. But, since this was such a long friggin’ run, it did eventually pass.

I did my usual 9 minutes running, 1 minute walking intervals. I went at what felt almost like a “jogging” pace for me. I figured, if I was going to run a whole 10 miles, they didn’t need to be high intensity!

After 70 minutes, I dug into my cran-razz Clif Shot Bloks. I had three left, so I popped one every 10 minutes (during my last three walking breaks). This was my second experience with these and I loved them! I was scared they would bring my stomach cramps back, but spacing them out made them easier to digest. They were easy to chew and swallow, and didn’t leave a gross sugary taste in my mouth like some sport gummies or gels do. They provided me with the perfect amount of energy to get back home :)

I was actually feeling good enough at the end that I skipped my last walking break, and even sprinted towards the end! Total stats:

Time: 1:44:17
Distance: 10 miles
Avg Pace: 10:25

I’m thrilled with that. I was secretly hoping to get it done in under 1:45:00. Now I just don’t know where to go from here When I started focusing on running after my triathlon this summer, it was my goal to get up to the double digits before it started snowing. Now that I’ve done that, should I just keep going? Should I lay off? Maybe I just won’t set any more running goals and do whatever the hell I want :P

Walking down the stairs to my apartment after was so hard. My legs were really sore to begin with today from all the exercise classes I’ve been doing. I was literally hobbling around. I immediately took a couple ibuprofen then foam rolled and stretched for about 20 minutes. Then I took turns icing my hips, knees and ankles while drinking a delicious smoothie.

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  • 1 1/2 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk
  • 1 scoop peach-mango protein powder
  • 2 big scoops plain yogurt
  • handful each of frozen papaya chunks, frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries and frozen raspberries (remember not that long ago when these were super cheap fresh? Boo.)

Here’s my “holy crap I just ran 10 miles” face.

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Ha, I look a little tired. Rightfully so!!!

Dinner was another tofu quesadilla because the first one was so good.

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  • 1/4 block crumbled tofu
  • red pepper
  • red onion
  • chili powder, paprika, cajun seasoning
  • EXTRA cheddar cheese (10 miles deserves extra cheese, dontcha think?)

I had leftover potatoes and carrots from yesterday’s feast. Re-roasted and much better the next day. The chicken grease made them crispy on the outside and mushy on the inside.

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I always put the salsa on top of my quesadillas as not to make anything soggy. Plus it’s more fun that way.

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Yumm, perfect recovery food!

Thankfully, I’ve regained mobility in my legs. My upper body was surprisingly stiff too, either from tensing up or my camelbak. But that’s back to normal as well. Tomorrow will definitely be a rest day. Then maybe some light activity on Saturday to get my muscles moving and blood flowing again. Praying I don’t wake up with a Charley Horse tonight!

 

Question of the day: What’s your biggest fitness achievement so far? I talked about this on Brie’s blog before. But being able to run 20 minutes straight was a huge one for me. Others include swimming my first kilometre, squatting an olympic bar for the first time, and of course, the triathlon! And now running 10 miles!! :D

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