Time

I have learned a lot of lessons since being diagnosed with cancer four months ago. Things that some people don’t learn until they are several decades into life. There is one lesson however that I’ve come to realize I am having a hard time to learn and has to do with time.

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You see, when I began chemotherapy three months ago, there was talk of the possibility of my not doing the whole six months of chemo. Hodgkins responds very well to chemo, as proved after my first treatment when all my cancer symptoms vanished immediately.

But after meeting with my oncologist last week, I learned that the mass in my chest was just too large to be blasted out so quickly. I’ll have to do the full six months, with an additional six weeks of radiation still up in the air.

So at this point, that is only three more months of chemo. Maybe several weeks of radiation. To people looking in on the outside, that probably seems totally doable. To me however, the person who has to deal with the effects of these treatments and cancer every minute of my life, it’s an eternity.

I was talking about this with my dad, who was trying to convince me that in the grand scheme of things, being out of commission for 8 or so months of my life with this cancer thing isn’t that long. In my mind I started trying to do the math on what percentage 8 months of my 25 years is, compared to 8 months of his 57 years. I couldn’t come up with an answer, apart from the fact that it’s a lot longer duration for someone my age compared to someone his age.

My point being is that cancer will make a person grow up a lot, but there are some things that I can only learn with time. More specifically in this case, how to deal with time itself.

I would have never previously labelled myself as an impatient person. In fact, my rare patience is something I valued. But these days, as each treatment, each day, each minute spent being sick drags on, I feel my patience being tested. Time is always looming over me, whether it be the day I’m declared cancer-free, or the day I’m told the cancer has come back. Neither of which of course can be revealed until due time.

These days when I get upset and frustrated over what is happening, it’s not the “why me?” it used to be. It’s the “I want this to be over NOW” foot-stamping temper tantrums. I am so ready for this to be over, but time just isn’t moving fast enough for me.

As I feel worse with each passing day, the following day stretches out into something that feels longer. Three months can pass in a flash when you’re having fun, but it slows to a snail’s pace when you’re grasping to find the energy just to get through it.

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I know this is an honest and perhaps depressing post for a Monday, but it’s a very real reflection of something not only I as a cancer patient struggle with, but I think anyone who is sick or injured struggles with.

If anything, let it be a reminder that not everything is “over before you know it.” Because living through some things often gets very real, very gruelling, and very hard. That is assuming of course it is ever over. My cancer may come back. I still can’t straighten my injured left arm. And apparently, I’m still not very good at mental math.

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Posted on October 17, 2011, in Cancer, Lessons Learned and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 65 Comments.

  1. So sorry, Susan, to hear that you have to do the full 6+ mos of treatment.

    And you are right, not everything is “over before you know it.” Some things suck, they linger, they are awful, and time seems to stand still during them and no outsider could ever understand what it’s like.

    I wish you peace and health and strength thru this all.
    xo

  2. I love your honesty when you write. I do love seeing the pictures when you’re happy, snuggling with your puppy, etc. but I think it’s great that you show the realistic side of things as well. I’m sorry to hear that your chemo will be prolonged, but you seem so strong and I hope that only continues to grow.

  3. You have been dealt an extremely difficult set of circumstances at such a young age. I’ve been reading of your journey with Hodgkins since the beginning and clearly see how much you’ve stretched and grown in so short a time. I’m so glad you’re able to be honest about your real feelings…I believe it’s essential to have as many outlets for that stuff as possible, so never apologize or feel you have to qualify your whatever is percolating in your inner landscape. Getting the thoughts and feelings out is yet another means of self care. It’s not necessary to keep it all in for the sake of “being strong” or whatever. You’ve already shown mammoth strength in your living through this a day at a time.

    In my 12 step program, I once heard someone going through something similar say, “When I ask myself “Why me?”, I also have to ask, “Why NOT me?”. It’s unfair, but who said life is fair? But we tend to not learn as much or grow as humans when everything is hunky dory. This sucks, but you will get through it and be the wisest damn 20 something ever. You started out pretty evolved, and this seems enough to take you totally over the top. Hang in and wait for the countless miracles life offers each day. You are remarkable!

    • A lot of great things to chew on in your comment. I have to say, I am starting to get over asking the “why me” thing strictly because I’ve learned to ask “why NOT me.” I’m pretty confident now that I AM strong enough to deal with everything that is thrown my way, and perhaps I am going through this partly because I am the right woman for the job, so to speak. That doesn’t mean I don’t whine about how much it sucks a lot (or stamp my feet over how long it is taking). But the worthwhile lessons are often the hardest ones to get through.

  4. Yes, Susan, I appreciate your honesty and I think it is good to write about these types of feelings as they arise. It opens others’ eyes to the truth of your struggle and it also allows you the opportunity to vent about it to a real audience of people who are walking this road along side of you… even you cannot see us… We are there.

    I have never been where you have been, but I have walked a very dark road in my life, one that lasted 3 years and I know what you mean about time passing so slowly. I did, in time, come to the other side of it and now, on THIS side… it is hard to believe is was 10 years ago. You’re absolutely right that only TIME can truly help us comprehend itself.

    Excellent perspective and post. Thank you for sharing so often straight from your heart. It is a blessing to many people. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    • I know that a few years from now, when all of this is over and hopefully behind me, I will have many moments where I stop and just ask “Did that really happen??” Time is certainly a funny thing.

  5. Hi Susan, I cannot really put myself in your shoes, but I think I would be scared and 6 months of treatment would mean 6 months of uncertainty. And less of that would be better.

    It could also mean having to put your ‘life’ (the fun, healthy, unrestricted) life on hold, and so 6 months might feel like missing out on a lot, your young, full of opportunities life. But this is your life now. it is not on hold. it is your life. Nothing is on hold. It is just a different side of life. But it is part of life.

  6. Bummer… you’ve gotta love Monday mornings… but at 25, a whole string of them just isn’t what you figured on dealing with…
    It’s a tough way to start your “grown-up” life, so don’t feel bad about the mourning sudden loss of “kid-status.”
    And chemo brain probably isn’t helping with your mental math, so if you are still wondering… 8 months = 2.7% of 25 yrs — this is 2.4 times the 1.2% of your Dad’s 57 yrs.
    Hugs to you and your Dad and hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

    • THANK YOU for doing that math!! Haha, my dad actually has a degree in math, I should have just asked him!

      And totally agree that a lot of it is losing my “kid status,” but on the flipside a lot of it has to do with being treated like a kid just as I was starting to get my footing as an adult. As much I lovelovelove my family, it’s hard having to ask them for help all the time and giving in when they insist on doing things for me.

      • I hear you, Ms. Independence!! Don’t lose it!
        It’s tough. Maybe try thinking of it as Team thing — you can’t be a 1-person baseball team, playing all positions yourself, but you can be a good manager and make the most of your available resources, and win the game!
        Actually, it is so stressful to feel like things are out of your control, so “deciding” to ask for help (instead of feeling forced into it) seems to make a big difference, as does having a team that allows you to call the shots as much as you can.

        • That is a great way of putting it. There is definitely a lot of push and pull with my family over who is in control of what. Really, it’s just all of us grasping for some control over something we really have no control over. A lot of it is me being too stubborn to admit I’m too sick to do some things, but I’m grateful my family has stepped up in other respects. Managing my finances for example, is something my mom took over and I am SO thankful it’s one less thing for me to stress about.

          • Oh yes! Everyone wants to help, and feel like they are taking some of the load off of you so you can dedicate yourself to getting better. “Assigning” (with some discussion, of course!) positions on the team will help people (and you) relax knowing they’ve their part, and reduce the amount of overlapping. It also makes it easier to answer “What can we do?”
            Good luck!

  7. I’ve found that on the days I feel the worst, I just can’t find perspective. Everyone looking in from the outside says, “you can do this!,” “you’re half-way there!,” and, like you said, “it will be over before you know it.” But when I feel bad, it just doesn’t seem that way. It sucks to be 25 and have to go through this. I’m 42 and it sucks for me, and think back to how I would have felt going through this at 25 – it would hated it then! But I’ve read enough of your blog to know you are a very determined person and you WILL get through this. You will be better when it is over, you will be stronger inside and out, and you will get your life back. Hang in there!

  8. You have got to be one of the strongest people I know!

    I know how you feel about being frustrated and wanting things to go back to “normal”. My situation is obviously nothing like yours, but I can at least sympathize with the frustration.

    Keep fighting!

    • I definitely don’t think you need to have cancer to understand these feelings of frustration with time. I think it’s some ALL of us have to deal with on some level!

  9. Susan, this is the first time I have posted even though I have been reading your blog for the last six months or so. I felt moved this morning to let you know how wonderful your postings are and how helpful they are to me. I, too, am a young, athletic woman on unexpected sick leave and am floored by how much your blog speaks to me.

    Weary of the fatigue and spending so much time alone at home, I decided a few weeks ago to get a dog and the next day was delighted to hear about Buster (Keep the pictures coming! He is too cute. Hope you can be reunited soon.) Yesterday, I was sobbing over how frustrated I am with feeling like crap and having my life on hold and then awoke today to this post.

    I can imagine that writing these posts is helpful to you. But I wanted to be sure you know that in the process, you are helping others as well. I am so grateful for your beautiful, raw, wise writing and wish you much peace, patience, and healing.

    • Thank you for speaking up Kelly, I appreciate your words. I think it’s just comforting to know that other people agree that circumstances sometimes just really suck. We can’t be positive all the time, and I think it’s important to embrace and acknowledge how hard it is sometimes. Of course, there are good things that come out of these things as well – like dogs!! xo

    • Kelly and Susan,

      I’ve written in a few times, myself, and I read your blog routinely… I’m also a (relatively) young (37??), athletic person on sick leave from work, over and over again due to multiple issues. I’ve been out, except for Feb 2011 and June 2011, for 18 months–and looking like I’m going to have another minor issue crop up.

      Trite as it seems, I’ve just been taking life one day at a time–but I get as much enjoyment as I can out of each and every day. My husband and I took two weekends away over the summer, and I ran around and packed so many activities into those weekends! I just cherished the ability to go around and see and do new things, and to explore the wonderful world around me. I really do have a new appreciation for everyone and everything.

      Anyway, keep on inspiring the rest of us, and even your dark days remind me that you, too, are human. :) Take care!

  10. Another thought-provoking post, and one that resonates with me due to my situation, which is not life-threatening, but bears similarities,nonetheless.

    The deeper I get into unemployment (six months since I was laid off), the more mindful I am of time; it appears to be slowing down, and some days seem interminable. As for tomorrow… I can’t even think about tomorrow.

    Hand-in-hand with that is the greater effort to my mind my thoughts; to stay focused on the present and take positive action on my behalf.

    My mental math tells me the percentage is 3.7.

  11. THANK YOU for this post. I was just driving into work thinking the exact same thing. After dealing with 2 major health issues this year, I just got slammed with another one…only I don’t have a definitive diagnosis yet and probably won’t for a week. One of my best qualities has always been my patience, but as I was driving from the doctor’s office to work this morning was, “why is this taking so long? when is this all going to be over?” I was reflecting on why I am suddenly seemingly unable to draw on my patience and you put everything that I am feeling into words. I have found a lot of comfort in reading your blog lately and this post especially, so thank you for opening up to us and sharing your journey with us.

    Also, I am thinking of you and wishing nothing but the best as you go through your treatments.

    • It’s like that old saying that “when it rains, it pours.” I know all too well what it’s like to get slammed with one thing after the other when all I want is to just move ON already! Also, I know how awful waiting for a diagnosis can be. Fingers crossed for you xo

  12. It’s ok Susan let it out…we are here for you just like your blog is there for us everyday. I knew from the beginning that although 6 months sounded long, I have heard of people who are in treatment for longer some even needed years to achieve a remission, this helped me to let go of the time frame thing a lil bit and realize that now I have a chronic illness and its hard to put a time frame on that.

    • Yes, realizing that cancer is a chronic illness is a big part of it. It’s not something that will ever fully go away! (as much as I wish it would, haha)

  13. Oh my gosh, I hope no one has told you “it’ll be over before you know it”. Three months isn’t an insignificant amount of time to feel the way you’ve been feeling – especially since you’ve BEEN living through it. Keep taking good care of you, and snuggle that puppy when you can.

  14. I feel for you so much Susan! I know the exhaustion and aches I’ve been dealing with are just a shadow of the discomforts you live with. When you don’t feel well time does drag on and 3 additional months can seem like forever. I pray those months pass quickly and with the least discomfort possible. This situation sucks, especially for a 25 year old but you are dealing with it better than anyone I’ve know!

  15. When I saw this title I figured it had to do with your perspective of tine but I didn’t know which way it’d change. I should have figured – since you’re such a patient person in general.
    You’re dad is right, but im sure that’s much easier to say than live it.
    I wonder of your perspective of time will change again once the cancer is gone..

  16. I feel very sad for you. I know how slow time goes when you are experiencing a rough patch. I also can relate to what your dad was referring to in the grand scheme of things. When you are younger, time seems to pass so slowly, whether it be good time or bad time. When you get to be the age of your dad, you will see how rapid time passes. And basically losing a year of your life right now is so overwhelming, as opposed to looking back to the year you lost 25 years from now. It will be a mere memory way back in your mind. No one certainly wants to lose a year being sick, tired and/or depressed, but know that once the year is over and your life takes flight again, you will be a happier better person for having gone thru it. God has a purpose for your life!! Take it a day at a time and learn to just lean on Him when the going gets rough. Some days will be better than others, but know He has everything under control and He will bring you out a victor!! You are awesome and a true fighter!

  17. I always find what you call your ‘downer posts’ to be the most insightful, and quite frankly, the most inspiring. Thank you for that. (love the picture of your dog, beautiful!).

  18. Isn’t it weird how time is so elastic and stretches on and on, where other times it speeds by? I think part of that has to do with living in the moment. Right now, you are having to live and experience each moment as it goes by because of having cancer. A lot of people have short periods of time like that, like during a wedding ceremony, performing live in front of people, dealing with an emergency, etc. It is exhausting, and the fact that you have to deal with this for months is emotionally draining.

    • That’s a very interesting observation and I totally agree. Maybe I just need a break from living in the moment to take my attention away from my illness…

      • I’m going to stat the blaringly obvious and not necessarily helpful – but I focus on the fact that I am glad I have this moment to live in. I’m sure you focus on that at times, and I am sure it doesn’t make the frustration go away, but hopefully it helps. You’re here. I always tell myself – don’t wish today away, even if it sucks – I’m here.

        • I find I go up and down with this one, and it definitely took a few months for the frustration to even set it. Some days I really am thankful I’m still here, but other days I fail to see the purpose of being here when I’m confined to a bed. I know that’s awful to say, but it’s honest! I do still find a lot of joy in every day, but as a previous commenter alluded to, I in no way can compare the life I have now to the one I once had. It’s all about moving forward!! But that’s not a switch in perspective that can be made overnight.

          Thank you for stating the blaring obvious though – it’s always good to hear :)

          • Blaring? Blaringly? Glaring? Yeah, after I posted that was driving me crazy because it just didn’t look right. :)

            I totally understand what you’re saying. It’s definitely harder to feel grateful for things the bigger your struggles are at the time. But you’re a great, positive energy to many and I hope you feel that way physically again soon!! In the meantime, honesty about struggles is refreshing and important to deal with it all, I’m sure. Just important to keep pushing through and like you said – move forward and stay as positive as you can.

  19. I’m continuing to pray for patience and wisdom for you!! Daily, Susan!

  20. So last night, without knowing what you were planning, I also published a post on time. Of course it comes from a very different perspective and frankly I now feel like a tool.

    But as flighty and airy fairy as my version of the time post may seem I can honestly say that the most horrible things I have lived through (think war torn childhood or the chronic illness I ended up with in undergrad) have now faded. They sucked balls when I was going through them but they’ve now become almost like a weathered memory.

    And that’s my wish for you. That some day you can look back and this will all seem like a horrible but very distant memory.

    I’ll go back to feeling like a tool now . . . :(

    • I read your post this morning and you didn’t come off as a tool at all!! if anything, it was a reminder to me that time can be our friend sometimes too. I must say though, kind of funny we both were thinking about it.

  21. I can totally relate to you on this. I also used to have feelings of “why me” which turned into “why is this not OVER YET?!?!?” I threw plenty of tantrums because I was so sick and tired of it all. Now that it’s all behind me, I do see how slowly it seemed to just creep by. The chemo, the surgeries, etc all seem so far away even though I finished in June. Before you know it you will be finished too :)

  22. I’ve been out of commission for nearly 4.5 years now. And for two of those years, I was on enough heavy-duty caustic drugs that my Dr compared it to chemo. So, I have to admit, the first time I read this, I felt pissed off. To me, 8 months it nothing! But then I thought about it some more. 8 months out of commission really does feel like nothing to me. But 8 months of actual honest-to-goodness chemo? Totally different story. It’s not just the physical effects- it is all the thoughts and emotions that go along with the words “chemo” and “cancer”. My illness, although debilitating, was never life threatening.

    However, I do think it would make you happier if you could accept that 8 months is not so long. I know it is easier to say and do, but the hard thing about being sick is that you really do have to admit something sucks, and then try to not just accept it- but not be unhappy about it. If you spend the next months thinking about how you have had to experience 8 whole months of chemo, and that it is a long time etc. etc., you will be far more unhappy than if you think “Only x more months to go! I only have to do this for 8 months!” To get to that point, I had to see a therapist- something you might want to consider as well. Dealing with illness is difficult. Being happy while dealing with illness is more difficult. It’s ok to need help with it!

    Nicole

    P.S. I’m currently relapsing and feeling bitter (obviously I am not at the “over it” stage with my illness either). If I were back 6 months, I might just be saying “I know exactly how you feel!”

    • I can totally see how someone with a lifelong illness can read this and think “what on Earth is she complaining about? I WISH mine could be gone in 8 months!” But I think that’s kind of a misconception about cancer, that when it goes away it’s gone forever. It’s really more of a chronic illness. It’s going to take me months, if not years to recover from chemo. I was reading a study just the other day that said it can take up to 10 years to regain the cognitive function lose during chemo. What I haven’t talked about yet is that the cancer around my heart won’t ever be 100% gone, so the fear I have of it coming back will always hang heavy over me.

      LOVE your words about accepting the time, and then learning not to be unhappy about it. I guess you could mark this post as my acknowledging that I’m unhappy about it, and hoping it will be the beginning of changing my perception about it.

      Thank you for your comment and making me think more about this!

      • Where is the Like button for this comment?

      • My memory and energy levels have not been the same since chemo. Whether that can be chalked up to a pregnancy, raising a child and now being pregnant with twins, who’s to say? I guess I’ll know more in a few years. It took me half a year past chemo to start feeling like myself. Recovery included physio, a personal trainer just to get some strength back. I appreciate the comment above as I deal with fibromylagia, IBS, Interstitial Cystitis, back pain and asthma (long-term issues); but I appreciate your reply because I don’t think the cancer experience ever truly leaves, which is good in terms of perspective on how lucky we are to have an opportunity to live life; and bad in terms of my occassionally thinking about mortality too much. You’re at a point where the effects of treatment are building and it’s only going to get worse before it gets better. You have every right to be angry, impatient and frustrated. It seems to me that you’re still finding joy in life and acknowledging that this experience (at least the treatment part of it) will eventually end. I think you’re doing well at balancing the emotions of it all. Love you!

      • You’re totally right- and as soon as I read this I had a face-palm moment. The truth is, people in my family have had cancer (breast cancer for one, leukemia for another), and I’ve read the studies and seen the evidence of the long-term effects. But it is easy to forget that! Especially since it was my grandfather who got leukemia, and at his age, it is difficult to tell what is left over from chemo and what is old age. If you read xkcd, he did a comic on this recently too (although I’ll admit I didn’t 100% understand it).

        Long story short, this is me apologizing. And really, even if someone only has 1 month of illness, or being out of comission doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve the right to get angry or unhappy about it. To someone who had been sick their entire life, my 4 years would be nothing. Everything is relative to past experiences, and everyone deserves the right to feel what they feel, and express that feeling. I should have thought more before I wrote that.

        But I don’t take back the bit about trying to be happy! No matter how sick we get, or whatever else might go wrong, we all deserve to be happy. Accepting illness can be hard- for me, I didn’t want to be happy in the present, because I thought that was settling, and giving up on getting healthy. But being happy now doesn’t mean you are giving up on fighting cancer and getting well!

        • No need to apologize at all! You brought up a good point and reminded me that not everyone knows how long-term cancer can be. It inspired me to maybe write a post about it in the future. Also, I understand how a person can feel “stuck” in their illness at points, and it can bring up a whole slew of emotions and reactions to things that may not be the case if they were in a different head space. Love your thoughts again on how being happy isn’t settling. Thank you!

  23. XOXOXO! Thinking of you and sending warm hugs your way.

  24. Hi Susan. This post is honest and heartfelt. My best wishes are being sent across the country to you.

  25. Oh gosh, I fully relate to this (as I do many of your posts).

    I think we are habituated to want to put ourselves on deadlines, especially those of us who are goal-oriented. And when those deadlines change it can feel, uh, not so great to say the least.

    I try to think about those people suffering from things that have no forseeable end. I always have hope that for me there IS an end, even if I don’t know when that might be.

    But I agree with you Susan, it can be a tough pill to swallow.

  26. Oh susan, I really want to hug and be with you right now. just to shoot the shit, ya know?

    Time. Oh boy. Its so precious really. I feel guilty I’m not spedning MORE time with my dad. And I often wonder why he agreed to do a year or more of chemo if it totally sucks and is known to not even work most of the time with brain cancer. But I think this disease has made my dad patient. I don’t know how I could do it. I have problems waiting for water to boil (I just made pasta in the microwave!).

    Anyhow I guess you could look at it this way: It may not be over before you know it, but it will let you have more time to enjoy the future. For now, weed, zofran, and the pup ;)

    • After posting this I thought of people like your dad who are dealing with time in a different sense. Here I am asking for the days to pass so treatment can be over, while other people may only have treatment and then some left.

      On another bummer note, I’m not sure if I can be approved for medicinal marijuana now because of my lung issues. The oxycocet however is still a-flowin ;)

  27. What a great, honest post from a different perspective Susan. I admit I get sucked into the “where does time go” crowd but I can completely understand why it would feel like it has dragged on for you. Two years ago my dad spent three months on bed rest – completely lying down on his back for most of it – due to complications with a brain tumour he had. He often says that those three months felt like 3 years, yet when I look back on it it was a blip in our life (I feel a bit guilty saying that now but it is how I see it from my perspective!)

    Anyways, I do hope that the next three months hurries up and gets past and soon you will look back on this time as a blip as well.

    XO

  28. Hi Susan,

    Don’t apologize! Yup it stinks, yup 3 months of chemo is a long time, and tough times drag by so slowly. You’re entitled to all your emotions. There will always be people who have it harder, sadder stories etc. but that doesn’t take away from how difficult your situation is.

    Wishing you the best, keep snuggling Mr. Buster he is such a cutie!

  29. I love your honesty- when it is happy, sad, or frustrated.

    I suck at mental math too :)

  30. It’s where you are. Even though it’s ugly, cruel and mean…you are finding beauty in it..even if you have unearthed it right now. Thank you for being brave, honest, weak, fragile, strong and grace-filled. I read every single day.

  31. Sorry to hear you have to do the full 6 months of chemo. I know it’s not easy. And I think that maybe this train of thought of thinking it will never end is part of the process. And as much as it seems it won’t, it will pass.

  32. this is the one thing I hate about life….time.

    whenever someone goes through something bad, everyone’s response is “just give it time” but for the person going through that “time” it is like slow motion…it sucks, bad

    but once you get to the other side and you look back, it is amazing all that you went through during that time and survived!

    so sorry you are feeling this way, but hopefully your time will speed up!

  33. Well put.
    I have found that I can handle almost anything, as long as I know it will end relatively soon.
    I once had some pain of unknown cause, and although it was relatively minor compared to some other pain I had experienced, I thought I would lose my mind over the thought that it was nearly constant and might never go away. It faded over the course of a couple of years, and eventually stopped. I never did learn what caused it, but I learned the importance of the factor of time in the context of any discomfort or pain.

  34. When I’m having especially bad days I like to cry and cry to Brad and say “no one understaaaaaaaaaaaaaaands” … but what I really mean is why doesn’t anyone WANT to understand … but then again my troubles are usually about having too much hw or hating my boss

    where in your case we of course don’t understand, but we want to … we want to know everything, because it feels like trying to understand is the only way we can help you … so please keep writing, even if it’s depressing, even if it’s Monday

  35. I am so sorry Susan & just sending HUGS!

  36. i love you, your writing, your honesty, your perspective. everything about you. and i wish this would be over before you knew it…

  37. You’re absolutely right about time being a relative thing – that’s why when you tell a 5-year-old his birthday party is 5 days away, it seems interminably long. And just try telling a woman in labor that it will ‘only’ last a few more hours! That’s not likely to calm her down one little bit!! I’m so sorry to hear you have to do chemo for the whole six months! I hope you can take at least a little bit of comfort in knowing that, however long and painful this process is, every miserable day will bring you a bit closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Just gotta keep your eyes on the prize! [And, of course, distractions and frustrations are inevitably part of the process — just try to keep them from causing you to completely lose sight of the end-point. But, you’re an old soul, and I’m sure you know this already.]

  38. You made me chuckle despite the topic at hand.

    You are a winner st life, Susan. Yes time may drag or even stand still at the moment. But I guarantee that when this nightmare is behind you, time will speed up again & you’ll wish it could slow down in order for you to do all of the fun things that await you 🌻

    Love you, my friend.

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