Cancer. Day One.

Wow wow. Totally blown away by the support from not only my blogging community and friends, but friends of friends, distant relatives, and even people who just stumbled across my blog to say “hang in there.”

I wasn’t originally going to blog today, but I’ve been getting a lot of requests for updates, and my brand new Macbaby is now with me at the hospital, so what the hey. I’m going to have a lot of spare time in the coming months, so why not spend it blogging. And writing that great novel of course.

First, the basics of how I got to today can be read in this post. I am not going to go over it again, it’s a day I would like to move forward from.

It was a rough day. The first day where I woke up with the knowledge that I have cancer. That somewhere in this innocent-looking chest of mine is a sickness that is out to get me.

There were two things that really made today the pits:

1) I had to go until 3pm until I could eat or drink anything for the entire day. Two times I was told I couldn’t eat, both times I broke down sobbing. I become this crazy person when I don’t eat, pair that with the stress of my current situation, and it’s a recipe for disaster.

2) My biopsy. Oh, my biopsy.

I know many people who have had biopsies before, but this experience scared me. I’ve been able to put the whole “cancer” thing out of my brain fairly successfully, but looking down and seeing a radiologist stick a long needle into my chest cavity made it so real. Not just real, but a really scary reality. They froze my chest but it still hurt like crazy. A hurt deep down into my chest when they stuck the needle in. The radiologist said he was able to get a lot of samples though, which is good for getting a specific diagnosis.

Today I also met with my oncologist for the first time. He’ll be my go-to guy throughout all of this. I guess the “bad news” is that the mass takes up 40% of my chest. The “good” is that he’s confident it’s Hodgkins based on statistics, his knowledge, and my situation. But I probably won’t know my diagnosis until next week.

Even if it isn’t Hodgkins, from what little research I’ve been able to do, non-Hodgkins lymphoma seems to respond fairly well to chemotherapy and radiation. This is what I keep telling myself anyways. They’ll blast those suckers into oblivion.

I still can’t wrap my head around anything long-term at this point. All I can do is think ahead until tomorrow and mentally prepare myself for what tomorrow has in store. Right now, it’s all about getting through the tests. They’re doing everything to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread.

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I’ll be travelling to the next city over for the PET scan, which is kind of nerve wracking. Not looking forward to the hour-long ambulance ride.

I had a long chat with my nurse today too, who prepared me for all these tests. She said I should expect to be at the hospital for about a month until my treatment is sorted out.

Right now I’m set up in the oncology ward in a shared room.

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Thank you soooo much to Morgan and Karen for the beautiful flowers. The hospital room isn’t very nice to stare at all day, so the floral additions help keep my cheery.

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Me, after a day of tests. I actually feel pretty good right now, despite my harried look.

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I’m not in much pain. I still have that “kink” feel in my neck because of the blood clot. My chest hurts from the biopsy. Most of all, my arms kill from the IV and gallons of blood they’ve taken from me. I don’t have much use of my arms now because of it (not like that left one was very useful anyways).

Best of all, my view for much of the day:

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My sisters travelled from Ontario and Quebec to be with me. At first I didn’t want them to go through the hassle, but I selfishly loved having everyone here with me today. Yes, there were tears, but there were also some laughs thanks to our shared sense of offbeat humour. I really am a true believer that things happen for a reason, and I now know I moved home so I could be with my parents when all of this happened.

Thanks again for all the kind notes, they truly are what get me through when the severity of the situation starts to hang heavy over me. I am slowly working on responding to people. Now that I’m on and off bed rest, it will give me a project to do :)

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Posted on June 23, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 143 Comments.

  1. Hi Susan, I had two people in my life have Hodgkin’s (one 27 years old, one 60) and both got through it beautifully. I was very close with both, and the beginning part was the worst. I’m sure as the treatment starts and you get into a routine of what to expect, it will start to be ok. You seem like you have it together, and a gigantic support system.

  2. I’m sorry that this happened to you but you are a strong woman who will kick cancer’s ass! Be strong.

  3. Love the pic of your family rallying around you. Stay strong doll, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. susan my dear,

    i am sending you so much love, hugs and prayers. you are such a trooper, and keep your chin up! we are all here ready to kick cancer in the ass with you!!

    love,
    holly

  5. You are the strongest and bravest person I know. You’re constantly in my thoughts and I’m so happy to hear your sisters and the rest of your family are by your side. Love you to bits, Suzie Q.

  6. I’ve been thinking about you all. day. long, Susan.

    I completely believe that you will kick this disease’s ass. I’m so glad you have a great support system with you, and also glad the blog world is able to provide you support/comfort.

    I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow for your PET scan. ***prayers and hugs***

  7. Hugs to you again. I am so glad that your family is able to be there with you. Are you okay with the shared room? I think it would drive me crazy. Sending more thoughts and prayers.

    • The oncology unit is actually mostly elderly people, and they aren’t much of a hassle. Even though we have Medicare here and my tests and treatment are all paid for, little things like getting a private room cost money unless you’re covered by private insurance (which I am not).

  8. I have never even seen your blog until today and found it through someone else’s blog. Even though this is the first time reading your blog, my heart just sank when I read your situation! I will be praying for you through all of this and following you so I can keep up. Much love to you~even though we don’t really ‘know’ each other :)

  9. You don’t have to think long-term right now, just one day at a time. Praying for you …

  10. I didn’t commet last night, but I read on my phone and my heart just sank. I know you’ll kick its ass and I’m not worried, but just know I love you and I am thinking about you.

    and the flowers are BEAUTIFUL!

  11. Susan I am sending you every last good thought that I have in my body. You do have a long road ahead of you, but you will NEVER be alone on it. XOXO Emily (Power of Movement)

  12. Oh Susan, my heart goes out to you and your family so incredibly much! You are such a strong person and I just know you’re going to beat this. I had a girlfriend who was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma back in March, and she actually just got word a few weeks back that she is now cancer free. So don’t you worry, there is hope and recovery is a very real possibility!! Also, in case you want some reading about someone going through a similar thing.. check out http://www.theperseverancediaries.blogspot.com/ Rachel blogs there about her experience with cancer, and her mentality is just simply amazing. Another strong woman, just like you!

  13. What a view! (Both from the window, and of your family.)

    As my mom always says in the rough times–one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You got this.

    Count me in on Team Susan all the way, love.

  14. Susan, I just read your post from yesterday. My heart is breaking for you. I am so very very sorry for this news. I can’t even put into words my deepest, deepest empathy. I am so sorry.

    I am crying at my keyboard for you, I am shaking, I have goosebumps over my whole body…knowing that we met, we chatted at FoodBuzz, we have exchanged hundreds of emails over the past few years…you are a dear friend. Life is short. There are no guarantees, and I am so impressed by your strength and that you’re…blogging!

    And this on the heels of your arm. Susan, tell me what you need, and consider it done.

    I am here for you.

    xoxo

  15. You are amazing! That’s all I can say tonight. :)

  16. Susan, I only discovered your blog today, which is crazy. Janetha posted on facebook about your post about being a healthy living blogger. Let me say, on a blog level, that I have found my new favorite blog. I love everything about who you are and what you blog and I find you beyond inspiring. That, actually, is everything I discovered in the tons of previous posts BFORE I found out your news. You are so strong and so incredible and I’m glad you’re a blogger because you have so many readers — old and new, like me — who will support you through this journey. I’m thinking of you.

  17. Susan, my brother had cancer a couple years ago, and I think the most positive thing to come out of it was the outpouring of support from all his friends — your hospital room looks similarly filled with love, and support. Good to see that you are surrounded by people who care for you very much!

  18. I agree with you that you moved home so that your family could be there to support you when you need it the most. My heart aches for you. Please know that I am praying for you.

  19. Thank you so much for the update Susan; I’ve been thinking about you a lot today. Thank you also for being so honest and open about your experience. I’m sure you are helping many others by doing this and I hope it is therapeutic for you as well. You have a beautiful family. I’m glad they are by your side!

    • Yes, blogging is definitely therapeutic! It’s also a good way to keep family and friends updated. I just got a notebook today that I will start recording all the details in so I won’t have to do it publicly anymore ;)

      • You may find you end up with a book based on this on this rollercoaster experience you are going through Susan.And perhaps a great distraction from hospital life?

        (I for one will buy any book or novel you write-love your talent!)

        You are in all of our hearts and thoughts…

        • Great idea with the notebook. I wish I had thought of that when my dad was in the hospital. We were in there with him for a bout a month after his accident and it’s all a blur. It’s as if I was there, but nothing was sinking in and I was trying to absorb everything and forget it all at once. If I had just kept a journal, I’d remember all the details.

          Count me in on the book, too. I want some Ehrhardt on my shelf!

  20. What a beautiful family -their love for you shows through their
    eyes and smiles.
    Thank you Susan for being so incredibly amazing to share some of your thoughts and experiences when I know you must be in a complete state of shock and numbness the last 24 hours.
    This post made me tear up much more than your last-it was seeing that photo of your beloved family that really moved me.I am so happy you have such love in your life when you need it the most.
    And don’t forget-we are all sending you love vibes from all over this
    small world.You captured our hearts long before this diagnosis.
    XOX from your readers!!!

    (Just a silly non-important aside-I don’t use my real email addresses on blogs comment sections like this,just because I didn;t really understand blogs when I first started reading them!Someday I will send you a private note with my real email, Just wouldn’t want you to waste your time on a made-up address if you ever replied to me!!)

  21. Been thinking of ya and if anyone can get through this, you can girl!

  22. I’m so glad you were able to score a room with a view. More and more studies are showing the positive healing power of being surrounded by plants, trees, and nature–so much better than a city-based hospital walled in by other skyscrapers!

    I’m still incredulous about how fast this all unfolded. I don’t even know you in real life, and I’ve been thinking about you all day.

  23. should I also send Harry Potter posters?

    or if you prefer I can send Twilight, but I’m not sure if you are Team Jacob or Team Edward … :P

  24. Hi Susie,
    This is your mom’s friend Sandra here in Moncton. I understand a bit about blood clots and was happy to hear you made it to the hospital in time for the doctors to look after you. I am so happy Christina made you go to the doctor. I am thinking of you and all your family and I know that you are feeling loved and looked after. If Christina has anything to do with it you can be sure things are going to be done right and efficiently. Look to your family and friends for support you will get strength from their love. :)

  25. You are amazing, girl! You will get through this beautifully and be a CANCER SURVIVOR!

  26. It’s so good to see a smile on your face!

  27. OMG, I missed your first post about this. I’m so, so sorry. You are amazing and I know you will come out of this okay. I’m thinking about you and sending good vibes your way.

  28. I am visiting your blog via Faith Fitness Fun for the first time today. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are incredibly brave and have an amazing attitude. I will pray for complete healing and a full recovery for you!

  29. Susan, my goodness. I feel like I know you so well, reading your blog.. even though that’s a bit silly, it’s not like we’ve ever met. But, that said, you’re like a good friend to me, and reading about what you’re going through is like hearing the same thing from a dear friend. It has floored me. I have no doubt you’ll be fine though. If resilience had a name it would be Susan.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  30. Susan,

    I just stumbled across your blog tonight. My heart, my thoughts and every ounce of positive energy are with you. I have no words of wisdom. Just know I’ll think about you and in this battle, my wager is on you.

  31. You know what, I don’t even really know you because Amber Yake of Girl With the Red Hair just told me about you, so I started reading yesterday, and I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I mean, seeing that picture of your family? That is what brought on the tears. It’s pretty amazing to see the people who are around you now, getting you through this. I know my family would do the same – and for that, I am very grateful.

    What a strange thing, though. How do you go from being a normal 20-somemthing to meeting with oncologists? Crazy. My heart breaks for you, but you are young and strong – and you sure do look beautiful, even in a hospital gown. You’ll get through this. Your attitude thus far has been amazing. And I think having so much family around you is going to pull you through this.

    Thinking of you and praying for you!!

  32. The picture of your family made me smile. They look so happy in a time that is so grim for you, I know you will get through this with all of their love and support.

  33. I’m so glad you have so much support…of both the virtual and real life variety. :) My boyfriend’s little brother had lymphoma (non-Hodgkins, stage 4) as a teenager, was able to beat it and has now been cancer free for 5 years. with all the people who love you, your positivity, and your strength you are so well prepared for this battle. you CAN and WILL get through this.

  34. I’m so glad you posted because I was thinking about you today. I’m so glad that you’re surrounded by your family. I remember being with my husband waiting for him to get wheeled in for surgery when he had cancer and there were people there who had no one. It was so sad. They were going through something scary and no one was there for them. :(

  35. O my! I have just now seen this. I know I haven’t been a part of your blog long, but just know I feel for you. Cancer runs in my family, and a doctor has straight up told me that I will have cancer at one point in my life.
    I am here for you. 100%. If you just need to talk or whatever!

    • Yes, I always expected to get cancer some day because so many people in my family had had it. But I never thought it would happen at the age of 25, or that it would be in my chest. Crazy.

  36. I’m so glad you have your family there with you. I have been thinking of you so much lately. You seem very positive and upbeat despite all of this hardship and that is so inspiring. Stay strong Susan. XO

  37. Hi Susan,

    Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts. If anyone can get through this I know that you can – you seem like such a strong person. Glad your family is there with you as well.

  38. Oh Susan, I so wish I could teleport myself to you! I hate that I know all those tests and scans all too well from my moms and my dads cancer. But that being said, if you ever need to vent about these treatments or even if the hot male nurse hits on you, Im here for you. Forever and always.

    Of course you’ll beat this, I have no doubt in my mind. In the meantime, I’m trying to get Sondre Lerche to come to do an impromptu concert in your room.

  39. Susan,
    I’m so glad that you wrote this, you’ve been on my mind all day today.
    I graduated college today, and while I was sitting there in my cap and gown, thinking of the road I had just traveled down, I thought about you and this journey you are about to face.
    I know it’s going to be tough, but please know we are right here with you as much as we can be via the computer. I hope you keep us posted anytime you feel up to it.

    Much love,
    Jessica

  40. you are strong and beautiful!
    sending all positive thoughts and energy your way

  41. You remain in our thoughts and prayers, and I admire your positive attitude!

  42. Susan, I’m a longtime lurker. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s wonderful that you have such a supportive family and that you all have a great sense of humor. Seriously, that always helps, even when others may think you’re messed up. :) We’re all thinking of you Stay strong!

  43. Wow. I can’t believe “wow” was my first word to you. Haha. I wish you the best of luck. You are in such a tough position but like Jess said above me, you have such a positive attitude and I truly believe that you can kick this in the a$$. ; )

    I hope that you have no guilt asking family to come see you. Trust me… They want to be with you and share your pain. I’m sure your family is hurting so much right now and you should feel absolutely no guilt for that. This is merely a chance happening and you had no control over that.

    I really hope that in some ways this reassures you. And I apologize if I offended you in any way I promise you that I never intended for that to be the case.

    Good luck and I’ll be reading to hear all about your journey.

  44. Still sending you good thoughts and good vibes. While I have never met you, I wish I could visit you in the hospital.
    Also, thank you for your awesome workouts. They kicked my ass when it needed to be kicked.

  45. Hey Susie!
    Did you get our virtual coffee & yummy meal? :-)
    So wonderful to see you surrounded with family (great pic, by the way)- we know what that means to you at this time. We love you so much.
    Lots of love,
    Amanda, Deborah, Ian & Zack

  46. Oh my god Susan. I honestly don’t even know what to say. My heart hurts for you, and I’m sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. It’s very refreshing to hear your positive attitude, and it makes me smile to see your whole family to support you through this hard time. Thinking of you, Beth.

  47. Thanks for the update. I have not stopped thinking about you for one second today. I am so glad you have that shiny new laptop so you can use it as an outlet through all this. Actually, it’s a great idea to blog, because a year from now when this is all behind you, you’ll be able to link back and say “i showed cancer who is boss.”

    LOVE YOU TO THE MOON. Still wish I could come see you.

  48. Wow, life has been handing you a bunch of crappy lemons this year. You are such a strong, amazing and BRAVE girl. I’ve been reading your blog for about a year or so, and your last post finally prompted me to comment—and say hang in there girl! My thoughts are with you and I hope you keep your head up. It’s a fight to stay strong.

  49. I’m selfishly very happy you wrote an update today – you’ve been on my mind a lot. I can totally relate to the scariness of a biopsy – I had one done just a couple of months ago. Definitely scary and no fun at all. I’m glad to hear that part is over. Also very happy to see so many lovely faces around you.

    There are much better days ahead – hang in there. I’ll be thinking of you.

  50. Thinking of you and sending you healing vibes. I’m glad you’ve got your family there with you, definitely a great view.

    I know it’s not much but I have a new jar of Trader Joe’s sunflower seed butter that is all yours if you’d like it (IIRC we’re both huge fans?)!

  51. Sorry for all my typos (really, it’s embarrassing, I’m a proofreader!). I guess my fingers got all caught up in my message to you. Take care.

  52. i love you and im so sorry you are going through this. you are such a strong person and your optimistic attitude WILL get you through. i cant even being to put any other thoughts into words.

  53. :) Happy to brighten your room!

    Anything else you need or want in there? Just ask!! We’ll do our best!!

  54. I am shocked! I haven’t read your blog for a few days and then tonight I clicked on and oh my… I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this. I don’t know you but you seem very strong and I know you will get through this. Hang in there. I am thinking positive thoughts for you. Love and hugs to you!

  55. I’m so happy that the outlook looks promising- that you will be strong enough to fight this battle. I think that some of the small things really makes a difference like that view, the flowers and the lovely family that rushed to be with you (the latter isn’t small…it’s huge)…

    A month seems long to be in a hospital, but I have a feeling that it will fly by- you’ll be bizzy bizzy the whole time and I truly believe that your blog will be a huge outlet for your creativity and your fantastic spirit. And it will give you the strength to fight this disease and win.

    I can’t imagine what it must be like to wake up in an oncology ward for the first time and know that there is something inside your body that you didn’t invite there…but for you to come to terms with that and put it into words and share your experiences with us- this shows how strong you are.

    We love you are we’re here for you.

  56. I am a longtime reader of your blog but I rarely comment (anywhere). You are staying so positive (at least in your blog post) and that’s amazing. For some hope: my brother had Hodgkin’s lymphoma when I was little and made a full recovery. He was young (in college) and got through the hellish treatment on lots of banana milkshakes. Just recently one of my cousins was diagnosed with an advanced stage of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and she too powered through it and has made a full recovery. After she finished treatment she quit her (very high power and high paying) job to stay home with her toddler, figuring she wanted to make the most of every second of the rest of her life. Non-Hodgkin’s DOES respond very well to chemo and radiation and you are going to kick it in the butt, whatever the diagnosis. The worst part is waiting. Once you have a plan, even if it is a scary plan, at least you will have something to tackle. Good luck and know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of all of your readers. My mother (also a cancer survivor) always said that her team of support is what got her through it and you have a huge, loving one! Hang in there.

  57. I’m glad you are keeping us updated, I thought about you so much yesterday. xoxo.

  58. Hi Susan!

    I stumbled across your blog due to a post at Meals and Moves by Janetha. I instantly teared up at the picture of your lovely family. Cancer is a scary thing and you have an amazing positive attitude. There are going to be good days and bad days. My hope and prayer for you is that you know that you have your amazing family with you but that you also know that there are tons of people thinking about and praying for you. Even people like me who you have never met or thought about.

    Wishing you all the best.

  59. Susan, I’m your sister Sara’s friend from way back in the day as exchange students in Germany, and I just wanted you to know that we are all pulling for you! Keep writing, and if you listen, you can probably hear me cheering really loudly all the way from New York City (I’ve got a loud voice!) ;)

  60. You are young and strong. You will beat this! My hubby was 26 when he was diagnosed with Hodgkins. That was 29 years ago. He has been cancer free since then.

  61. I just can’t stop thinking about you. Thank you for the update. I look forward to watching you destroy this. You are awesome!

  62. I just want to wish you a speedy recovery. I know you are going to get through this. You have such a positive outlook and such a great support team. Hugs and Kisses from Toronto!

  63. honestly, cancer sucks. it just effing sucks. i hate that you are going through this, but you’re a strong woman and you’ll get through this.
    it just goes to show that no matter how “healthy” you are, your life could change in an instant and no one is invincible. stay strong.

  64. Awww boo to the shared room! I’m sure your roommate(s) will score on that deal though – you are bound to be a shining light ;-)

    I’m really glad that you’re choosing to blog right now – blogging is pretty much a part of us now, isn’t it?! I will be following along and supporting you every step of the way, my friend :-) xx/oo

  65. Susan, I’ve just read through your posts and can honestly say that you sound so strong. I knew you were talented with words already but I can tell by what you have written that there is an amazing amount of positivity and hope among you and your family. And though there is a tough road ahead, seeing those smiling faces around your bed and knowing that there are thousands of strangers out here in the blogosphere who are thinking and praying for you…well…I just know you are going to kick some cancer ass. :)

  66. It’s so great to hear from you Susan, and I love your positive attitude about everything that has gone on so far. I can’t even imagine the soreness and how you must feel inside, but just know that we (being me and every other one of your blog readers) loves you! You can do this. I was telling my roommates about your situation and how amazing you are, and you’re in all of our prayers!

  67. Susan…

    You know my thoughts are with you. I am so freaking proud of you for your attitude — it’s like, “F cancer…but I’m going to rock this thing and come out on the other side with a whole new appreciation for life.”

    I love reading through the comments that people have been leaving you, too…

  68. Susan. I’m so so sorry to hear your news but at the same time, you’re an incredible strong and positive person with an amazing support system and you will get through this! All the thoughts, prayers and hugs in the world to you. Keep on smiling and staying strong. I wish you the best today, tomorrow, and every single moment from here on. You’ll be amazing, no doubt.

  69. Thinking of you, Susan! One of my co-worker’s was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s last year. She is now in remission and is pregnant with her second baby! I know there is light at the end of the tunnel for you, too! Keep your chin up!

  70. Susan, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. I’ve been reading your blog forever and you seem like such a positive, strong person – which will no doubt help you through this. I’m so glad that your family is able to be with you through this time. Take care.

  71. I’ve been reading your posts since we were both in the NROL group and I feel like I know you (not in a creepy way)! I can say that I am thinking of you and praying for you just as much as I do for friends that I see in real life! You are one of the bravest people I know and I’m sure you will beat this! Thanks for keeping us updated, I am so glad to see you surrounded by family and love!

  72. Susan, I’m so impressed at your positive outlook on life as well as your ability to keep blogging. I’m not sure that many people are that strong – definitely not me. You’ve got this – and you’ve got all of us to help you, too!

  73. I’m a psycho crazy person when I haven’t ate either. Glad you’re feeling pretty good! Cause you looks great! :D

    • I joke that I didn’t cry when the doctor told me about the mass in my chest, but sobbed like a baby when the nurse told me I couldn’t eat :P

  74. Biopsies are scary. Period. I cannot imagine what it was like seeing the needle go into your chest. I am so glad your family is there with you!!

  75. Hi Susan, it’s Jack from work. I have a friend who contracted Hodgkin’s when she was about your age. She beat it with relative ease, and has been cancer-free for many years. I’m sure you will kick it’s sorry ass too. We’re all cheering for you at Shift! I hope to see you back with us ASAP.

  76. I LOVE the picture of your family there with you….it’s like you can feel the love coming through. I wouldn’t be a nice person without food either and I’d totally freak out too watching a big needle in my chest. I know you will beat this…I have been around so many family/friends who have beat cancer and I believe it was their positive attitude that made them beat it!

    Stay strong, stay positive and know that we are thinking of you sending you positive vibes. I totally wish I could cook you up some good food to bring to the hospital.

    xoxo,

    Danica

  77. SO sorry to hear this susan, but you’re strong and you’ll fight through! :) xx

  78. Eric Robichaud

    Be strong, Susan – Everyone at the office is thinking of you. Keep a positive attitude – I know it sounds cliché, but take it from someone whose known a lot of cancer patients, it really does make a world of difference…

    Cheers,
    Eric R.

  79. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about how young you are and having to face all of this. It’s great that your family is able to get out there! Stay positive, and we’re all [me, Ryan, Sergio zee cat] rooting for you over here in SF.

  80. I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but I’m sure like others never commented till now. I have to say, that view from your bed made me well up, it sounds (and looks) like you have a wonderful family to will be there for you in the coming period. Thoughts and prayers are with you, all the way from Scotland :)

    Stay positive, stay strong – but you’ll only do that if you let the crap out too when needed. You’ll beat this thing x

  81. i know you can get through all of this! you are strong and positive and those are the keys in beating cancer. I am praying for you!

    xoxo
    Lo

  82. I’m a newbie to your blog and I’m already in love with it. Thanks for sharing your experience. So much love is being sent your way! Stay strong girl, you will beat this with all of your positivity!

  83. I’m a newbie to your blog and I’m already in love with it. Thanks for sharing your experience. So much love is being sent your way! Stay strong girl, you will beat this with all of your positivity!

  84. Wow, my thoughts & prayers are with you! Stay strong, you’re a fighter, never forget that :)

  85. Susan you are so strong and your spirit is, as it has always been, inspiring for you. Sending all of my love and sweet dreams to your strong, smart, amazing self.

  86. susan, your strength and positivity are inspirational.
    sending thoughts, prayers, and love from nova scotia.

    <3

  87. I’m new to your blog,and your journey, sent by Karen @TorontoGirlOutWest. I don’t have any words of wisdom – I wish I did. I can only say, cancer sucks, no if ands or buts about that. And I’m sorry you are having to go through this. But it sounds like you have an amazing support system and an incredible attitude. Both will serve you well.
    I don’t know you, but my heart still breaks for you. Please know that I’m praying in Texas! Praying for wisdom as you will certainly be taking in a lot of information, praying for your comfort as you undergo treatment, praying for STRENGTH as you endure whatever it is that lies ahead and for peace.
    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discourged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
    TPG

  88. i just finished reading an incredible book about cancer called The Emperor of All Maladies, which details the history of cancer and it’s treatments. there was a fair amount about Hodgkins, and as i recall, it seems to be one of the more responsive types of cancer. nevertheless, i will keep you in my prayers and hope that all goes well for you in the battle ahead!

  89. Oh, Susan, I missed the last post- I am sending you a HUGE hug right now. Know that you continue to be in my prayers. Honestly, if there’s anything that you need, please email me! I am so glad that you’re able to be surrounded by your family- that’s the best gift you can hope for during shitty times like this! Lots of love and prayers.

  90. I am so sorry to read this post! I don’t even know what to say, except that I wish I could give you a hug and thank you for sharing your experiences.

  91. thinking of ya. biiiiig hug.

  92. I found your blog from another about two days ago, and you haven’t left my thoughts since. I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my brain this past December, and I remember feeling like the world was crashing in on me. After reading this and hearing your positive attitude, I’m sure you’ll make it through. It was thanks to my amazing family and friends that my spirits stayed up — and it definitely looks like you have that support system. Waiting for test results is the worst part, (besides the food that is — I refused to eat anything they brought me — my family sat by my bed the whole time, the only time they left was to get me meals from outside :)). … And the blood thinners get a bit less frustrating overtime too. Having to have someone bring me to the bathroom in ICU while waiting for my clots to become a bit more stable was extremely frustrating — it only goes up from here! Your attitude seems great though! You’re a strong woman, and you will get through this!

    • Yes, I totally agree it’s frustrating! I was working out at the gym all throughout my neck pains and having clots and didn’t even realize. I still feel fine, and yet a nurse won’t even let me take five steps to the washroom by myself. At the same time, I understand how very serious the clots are. God forbid one breaks loose or something just because I’m too darn independent for my own good.

  93. i am so confident that if anyone could go through this experience with humor, courage, and grace, it would be you. i am so sorry to hear this news and i am thinking of you!

  94. Susan, despite that “harried” look, lol, you look beautiful.

    Been thinking about you all day, and I’m so glad you decided to post. I wish I knew what else to say other than I’m praying for ya and rooting for the title “Survivor” to be yours. :)

    BTW…saw a card today. “Go ahead, lay down, relax, heal, and get better. Let people bring you every thing you want and do whatever you need. You know…live like a man.” ;)

    • Hahaha, love that last part. I’m on bed rest and can’t move around much because of the danger of the blood clots in my neck. So I end up laying in my bed and telling everyone around me what I want them to do for me. Don’t think they’ll still fall for it when I’m off bed rest ;)

  95. Joyce Edwards

    Hi Susan,

    Was directed to your blog from another blogger. Am touched by you and your current health crisis. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

  96. I’m so happy that your family is there with you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  97. Sending positive thoughts your way…

  98. Susan you are truly a beautiful person inside and out. I just know that you are going to beat this thing like nobody’s business. You are a brave, strong woman and your positive spirits will make the difference in your fight. I know you will come out on top….I have no doubt in my mind. You are in my prayers for a speedy recovery and the news you are looking for this week. We all love you very much and are rooting for you!!

  99. Susan,
    I’ve been following your blog for awhile, but usually don’t feel the need to comment. I just have to now, to add my heartfelt wishes & prayers for your recovery.

    I am so glad that you are near your parents for support. Even now (I’m pushing 60) when I get sick, I wish my Mom was still here, mommy!

    I’m sure you know a positive attitude can make a big difference, and know that positive thoughts are being sent to you. Sometimes when you don’t feel so strong, remember we (us on-line) are thinking of you and want to help in any way possible. (The force is with you).

    Blog as you are able!
    Sharon

  100. Susan,

    I stumbled across your blog for the first time this morning and my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how you feel. If it is OK, I will be praying for your healing and strength.

    Take care,
    Michelle

  101. Susan,
    I have read your blog but never commented before now. Thank you for your openness and honesty during this time. I suppose that there is never a “right” thing to say to someone in your shoes. Just know that there are people out there, such as myself, who have never had the pleasure of meeting you but still have thought about you frequently throughout the day and are rooting for a full and speedy recovery. Situations such as this are the exact reason why I have chosen to go into the nursing profession. I might not be able to cure people single handedly but I sure will try to make the patients new “home” as pleasant as can be. Perhaps you can use your journey to help me with mine. During your hospital stay, take notes and pay attention to everything. Help me to gain knowledge from the patients perspective so that I can be the best nurse possible. Who knows, maybe you can write a nurses handbook from the patients point of view! Best of luck to you and I will be sending thoughts and prayers your way.

    Alyssa

  102. I just found out about your blog in Janetha’s blog post, and I am very much hoping you get a full recovery! I just think it’s crazy that you’re in the same city as I’m in (Moncton!!) and I never heard about you before, and that I found out through another blogger who lives very far away! You seem to be a very loving person that I’m sure everyone would love to meet. Good luck on everything, and keep blogging!

  103. I can’t even believe it!! One of my coworkers had HL, she ended up becoming pregnant while going through her chemo, even. She’s now the proud mama of 2 healthy children, and she’s doing great. I’m definitely keeping you in my thoughts & hoping for a good recovery!! :)

  104. Susan,

    I’m not really sure how to express how I am feeling, I know you don’t want sympathies, but just know that every single person who reads your blog (anonymous or not) is standing beside you right now. I do not know you in person, but I can tell that you are a gorgeous, amazing, inspiring and most of all strong individual. I will pray for a speedy recovery for you. ♥

  105. I wish you the best in your fight. I know you’ll win. Stay strong and lean on family and friends, that’s what they’re there for.

    Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
    Benjamin Franklin

  106. I’m new to your blog, but I wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers!

  107. are there any hot male nurses? or doctors?

    Once I had a nose bleed so bad that it was absolutely gushing and of course I could not get in my car and drive to the hospital because the blood was also making me feel faint, so I had to call an ambulance and the paramedic was SO HOT and French Canadian and goodness knows I love a french man … I looked like I had just gone like 50 rounds in a boxing fight but I wanted to tell him that I clean up well hahaha :P

    (oh man I almost posted this from Brad’s wordpress again, ah that would have been hilarious!)

  108. Leslie Leighton

    So sorry to hear about this! You have such a wonderful attitude, and that always goes a long way in helping a person heal. I’ll be thinking about you (along with so many others) and sending you lots of happy thoughts and positive energy. Looks like you have an amazing, supportive family, too, and that’s so important. Good luck with everything. :) Leslie

  109. Susan I only meet you for a brief time at Foodbuzz last year, but I could tell you were a strong lady!!! Both Lori and I are thinking of you, and sending you lots of hugs!

    xoxo
    Michelle

  110. Susan, I don’t know you and have only recently looked at your blog. I have heard of you several times from Janetha’s blog. But, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you have to go through this and that I will be one of the very many people following your story now and rallying with you as you go through your biggest fight yet. You will get through it, you will win. Failure is not an option, you know ;)

    You are beautiful, strong, and more resilient than you probably know. I will pray for you as you knock this cancer on its a**!

  111. Susan my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you a speedy and complete recovery.In Hebrew we say refooa shelema!!

  112. I know this may seem out of left field as I’ve only just discovered your blog but non the less the sentiments are real. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this but your attitude is so inspiring- you’re right, things happen for a reason and I’m sure you’ll come out the other end stronger for it. I hope your journey is as swift as it can be, take care & stay strong. All the very best xxx

  113. Hey, I have read your blog for about the past 2 years and been secretive. I just have to say I find you a real role model, you are strong and amazing and I know you will get through this ok.
    *hugs*

  114. Thinking of you Susan. Everyone is right you are an inspiration.

  115. Girl, if you don’t have one already, ask to get a PICC line! Then they don’t have to poke you so much for blood draws or infusions. :-)

    • I totally agree! If they are taking blood (and possibly giving your injectable meds) every day, then it saves on all that- you said you’d be in the hospital a month?? yes, ask for a Picc line. Sorry I didn’t think of it myself!

      • Doctors are waiting to do the PICC until I start chemo I think. Something to so with the line of blood thinners they have me hooked up to now, which they don’t want to change up until they know more about what drugs I’ll be on the future. But otherwise yes, a PICC sounds pretty fabulous right now. I’m getting all beaten up and bruised.

  116. I just stumbled on to your blog and read of your situation. I am incredibly moved and in awe of your spirit and strength! Clearly cancer’s got nothing on you! This will just be a springboard from which you give strength and healing to others.

    lots of love and healing,
    Nicole

  117. Wow, you are one positive chick. Stay positive. It’s the only way to overcome something like this. I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you on this end.

  118. You seem like a very strong person–stay positive! You’re getting through this. My prayers are with you!

  119. I know those trees… that building… it’s Chalmers! I was in Fred for my MA and got to know the medical community a bit, thanks to an unhealthy BF at the time. If you’ve got to be ill, I’m so glad you have Chalmers there—they were so great. I hope they were great to you, too! Courage, mon brave! I’ll be there for you on the 25th!

  120. Will be praying for you. I know you will get through this.

  121. Hi Susan, I just found your blog through the wordpress homepage and I was so moved and inspired by your words. I share many of your beliefs about well-being, health, happiness and trying to live well day by day. I’ve lived through the serious illnesses (and inspiring recoveries) of people I love very much. Your post about how we approach health was so insightful. Even the ‘healthiest’ among us tend to take our health for granted until we don’t have it anymore. I hope that if I’m ever confronted with the challenges that you are currently facing, I have the strength to face them with the grace, courage and humour that you clearly have. Faye

  122. The best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself so you can handle the chemo and radiation.

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