Daily Archives: May 24, 2011

Vanity Pounds

I have found myself in a bit of a pickle.

Remember when I proclaimed I would lose my Toronto Ten pounds? I was all gung-ho to get back down to the smaller version of myself before I left the Maritimes.

Well, I haven’t. Not a smidge. I’m definitely eating better and exercising more regularly. But because I haven’t really done anything drastic or been very strict, it hasn’t translated into any form of weight loss.

I have to say, I’m not really that hung up about it. And it’s the lack of emotion about it that really confuses me.

I mean, my body is actually in a very happy place right now. It’s at that size I always was throughout high school and university before I gained a bunch of weight in third year, then ended up losing even more weight.

I am now asking myself… Are those 10 vanity pounds really worth it??

I don’t hate the way I look now. I’m 5’7” so my frame can handle it. If anything, I just wish I could lift weights again and get my muscle tone back. I love being able to brunch on the weekends, have drinks with friends, and not worry about maintaining my current weight. It’s really nice to skip the gym sometimes and not feel anxious about the calories I’m not burning. 

Now that I’m no longer a personal trainer, I also no longer feel the pressure to look the part. It is such a heavy burden off my shoulders. It’s nice to be in a place where I know my paychecks don’t depend on how I look.

But if I’m being honest, the real reason why I still think about losing those 10 vanity pounds stems purely from the fact that I’m a single girl. Plain and simple.

But knowing the choices I’d have to make in order to lose those pounds, I know I’d then become a pretty boring single girl as well.

At this point in my life, especially considering that I am overcoming an injury, all I can ask is to be healthy. That’s getting my green veggies, staying active, and enjoying some of the best pleasures in life. You know I’m talking about cookies here.

I’m not saying I’m giving up on losing those 10 lbs. Especially considering I no longer fit into my summer clothes from last year. But I’m still not committed to living in a calorie deficit either. So I’m stuck somewhere in the middle here and just don’t know which way to go.

Ugh. Weight loss. What I’d give to just not have to think about it ever again.

IMG_6979

Me, as a morbidly obese baby, back when rolls were acceptable.

P.S. I’m off to see my surgeon this morning to get the surgery verdict. Wish me luck!!

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