Just Being Honest

I’m thinking of turning “Fitness Friday” into “Move It Monday.” Thoughts? I like the idea of starting the week off with some workout inspiration. Plus, I’m too wiped at the end of the week to write in-depth posts.

I know I’ve been heavy on the injury talk lately. But today is what we’ll chalk up to as “bad day.”

Went to the hospital for more x-rays. They looked fine. I got my dozen or so stitches out. Caught a glimpse of my gnarly fracture blister – it’s the size and colour of a purple grape on my elbow. Then the doctor started asking me to move my arm around. Twisting my wrist barely happened. When he asked me to straighten my arm it went a couple inches then just stopped. It hurt, yes. But the joint was so stiff it just refused to move.

It made me realize just how long it’s going to take to get my arm back. It won’t get magically better when the cast is off. In fact, it will get  lot worse. It will be painful. Physiotherapy is going to be painful (and expensive).

I’m two weeks out of surgery and the day-to-day of having only one functioning arm is catching up with me. I don’t care about weight lifting, or running, or cycling. I just want my arm back.

It hurt so much moving my arm that I immediately started to feel faint sitting on the hospital bed. Remnants of the pain have stayed with me all day.

The worst part of recovery is that it’s a very passive experience. I can’t actively do anything to help it along. All I can do is wait. It’s hard not being able to control that. I would really like to be in control of my life right now instead of being in this weird purgatory of sorts.

Today I cried. I called my mommy. I ate chocolate and made some tea.

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I can’t be strong and positive everyday.

I did however leave with a new cast! One that leaves my wrist free. A blessing and a curse. I can do more, but the extra mobility allows my wrist to twist in directions that send shooting pains through my elbow.

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Tomorrow I’ll find something to smile about again. Promise :)

 

Oh. And I quit both my jobs today. More on that later.

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Posted on February 25, 2011, in Injury. Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.

  1. oh, no! I am so sorry it was so painful… :(

    I saw your tweet earlier about your jobs…

    thinking of you and sending healing thoughts and comfort… and (( hugs ))

  2. Aw, stay strong!! I’ve never had a serious injury like this, but I commend you in keeping your positive attitude!! :)

  3. Oh my goodness… rough day! Hang in there…. times will get better I promise! Hugs <3

  4. My Baby boy is feeling your pain too! He just got out of his cast (foot) yesterday and got the bad news that he has 3 more weeks of crutches and after that loads of physical therapy! It’s okay to talk about your injury, it’s a big part of your life right now. I do like the Monday idea better…

  5. I have that same French press at work– love it. Never thought of using it for tea!

    Sorry you had a bad day. :( I can relate. When I had ankle surgery and couldn’t even walk I had a lot of bad days. It was frustrating being an invalid and dependent on others. At least you can get outside and still be mobile!! When things get bleak remember that and go outside for a walk. :)

    Hugs!!

  6. Ahhg, can’t even imagine.

    Chocolate and Mommy calls are all what make things better sometimes :)

  7. I hope you feel better!

  8. Susan you are a strong woman and you WILL Get thru this even though right now it’s just awful. I am here for you and cheering you on!

    I would cry, call mommy or a good friend, drink something other than tea, and eat lots of chocolate in your shoes :)

    Major hugs!

  9. *hugs* Like many above have said, you will get through this and you will realize you are stronger than you ever thought you were.

  10. glad to knw u feeling better

  11. I’ve been thinking about you and told Ben about your accident too. We are all really pulling for you! It’s going to be tough, but you’ll be back to 100% sooner than you think.
    A year from now you’ll link back to this post and say, “Wow, I’ve come a long way!”

  12. Hang in there.
    as for your question I think Movie it Monday sounds good

  13. Nothing will learn you patience like a serious injury. Don’t worry about talking about it so much. It is consuming your life right now, which is normal.

    Maybe you can get hired as a writer to work from home. Do freelance work? Course, that is hard with the 1 arm, but there is always speech recognition software.

  14. I think this paragraph says it all:

    “The worst part of recovery is that it’s a very passive experience. I can’t actively do anything to help it along. All I can do is wait. It’s hard not being able to control that. I would really like to be in control of my life right now instead of being in this weird purgatory of sorts.”

    Hope today is better and like my mom always says when I call her and cry/complain: “This too shall pass” and it will….

  15. Bad days are a part of the healing process. Hang in there. Hugs.

  16. whenever I am down or feeling blah…its a call to my mom :) they always make you feel better, right?

    hang in there girl!! xoxoxoxo

  17. *big hugs* Sorry you had such a yucky day, hopefully today is better for you! Yes, it’ll be a slow recovery but it WILL happen! Hang in there!

  18. I know exactly how hard this is. When I was in sixth grade, I fell off a bike, landed elbow-first in the grass and broke my elbow literally in half. I had a similar series of events, and I was fortunate enough to have an amazing doctor on call that night to fix me up, pins and all. I know we went through different things, as I was still a kid when mine happened, but trust me, it was still hard. My whole life was music, and even at 11 I had already been sold that I wanted music (playing flute) to be my life. It was devastating to hear doctors say I wouldn’t ever be able to have enough range of motion in my elbow to play flute again, let alone many other activities. However, even at 11, I was a stubborn little butthead, and I wouldn’t listen to them. I worked my butt off at therapy and at home, with exercises they gave me. The pain was excrutiating and near unbearable at times, but I pushed through and I did. Now, I don’t have full range of motion in my left elbow, but I can straighten to the point where it’s not noticeable to others, and barely to myself half the time…with arm extended, hand out, my left arm only falls short about an inch or so of my right arm, and arms bent (hands toward head) it’s only about a 4-5 inch gap from my shoulder as opposed to 2-3 on the right side. But as someone else who started with only being able to move a couple inches, it’s huge now!

    All this to say – I know what you’re going through and what you will go through, but you are stronger and are only limited by your determination. :) Let your body heal and rest now, because as frustrating as it is to do nothing now, your body is actually doing SO MUCH, and is preparing itself to handle the therapy and things you are voluntarily going to put it through.

    Hope this comment was too long or out of place! Feel free to email me (lindsey @ soundeats . com) if you want to chat. :)

  19. “More on that later”? Wow! But to be honest, reading that didn’t freak me out. Instead, I got a little excited for you. Even if they suck, things happen for a reason and I’m convinced you will rebound stronger–physically and mentally–that you thought possible.
    Hang in there and if you need a boost, make it a Long Island Iced Tea. Then blog. I need some entertainment ;)

  20. Aw Susan, seriously my heart aches for you :( Keep your chin up, girl.
    *HUGS*

  21. Andy (my husband) had elbow surgery and was in a ton of pain moving his wrist too. I remember seeing him wince in pain. I can’t even imagine. But time has proved to be fantastic, it just sucks being a passive thing and I think it’s refreshing to read your honest feelings about it. Just know that we are thinking of you.

    I’m with Abby on making it a long island iced tea. YUM.

  22. Crying is part of recovery. Sometimes you need to get the emotional pain out to maintain a positive outlook. I think you’re doing great. Keep hanging in there! :)

  23. I am sorry you are going through all this! Hope you feel better soon. Sometimes it helps me to ask how I will look back on something in five years… just to step away from my immediate thoughts and feelings about it a bit.

  24. Hang in there, Susan! Bad days are unfortunately bound to happen. Calling mom, chocolate, and tea are definite musts. :) I’m thinking about you and your recovery!! Hope you’re smiling today!

  25. I really feel for you, last year when i hurt my back and was out of action for months I found the hardest thing was staying positive one day I was one day I wasn’t, it was a roller coaster few month but I can now look back and think I made it threw and look at me now so don’t feel bad about not being positive and take each day as it comes x x x

    • Roller coaster is right! And it’s so dependent on things beyond my control, I too often let my pain or mobility that day dictate my mood. Thank you for the sweet comment. Hearing from others who’ve gone through injuries helps a lot, makes me feel less crazy ;)

  26. oh man. many tears will be shed during the recovery, and not just because you are coming down from pain meds. it is HARD to deal with a serious fracture. it is frustrating and your mom might have to wash your hair and shave your legs for you. or you will just say screw it and let your leg hair grow and let your hair develop dreads. but you will rise above the shitty recovery period, you will go to PT and you will eventually be back to your old weight lifting self. i think you know how to be patient, but i still want to say “just be patient”–because that’s all you can be. i love you so much!

  1. Pingback: Arm Update Eleventeen | The Great Balancing Act

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