Body Love

Woo!! T-G-I-F!! This is an especially exciting weekend because my mommy is coming to visit! She arrives Friday evening and staying until we get sick of each other :)

I pre-wrote some of this post, so I’m going to keep the food rambles to a minimum. I just got back from an evening out with the gals from work and it’s waaaay past my bedtime!

Started the day off with my new favourite cardio sesh at the gym. 35 minutes of intervals on the elliptical – 1 minute sprints followed by 2 minutes recovery at varying levels. Then 10 minutes on the rowing machine and 10 minutes on the stepmill. I don’t know why but my heart rate was mega high today!! I maxed out at 179 (91%) which I typically only do in races or really fast training runs – not on the elliptical!

Refuelled at the office with smoked salmon, laughing cow, mustard, capers, onions, sprouts, lettuce on an english muffin.

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And an orange :)

Lunch was a beast of a salad.

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Tossed in some canola oil + red wine vinegar and topped with leftover Spinach, Ham and Ricotta Pie. The pie tasted awesome cold on top of the salad! Definitely deserves a remake for tomorrow.

Supper involved more ham because I have a huge chunk of it in my fridge I need to get through! For some reason my mind has been drifting to ham and cheese oatmeal so I made it for dinner.

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  • 1/2 cup rolled oats
  • 1 1/2 cups water
  • 1 whole egg, whisked in while cooking
  • pinch salt and pepper
  • 55g ham, cubed
  • 15g old cheddar cheese

Look at those creamy custard oats!!!

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Ohmygaaaahhhhthiswasgood. So, so good. I want it for supper again tomorrow too ;)

 

Now on to more serious matters…

I’ve noticed there are two kinds of food bloggers – those who are losing weight/maintaining a weight loss, and those who are in recovery from an eating disorder.

This has always fascinated me, that two people with seemingly opposite goals can be drawn to the other. While I’m in the former group – a weight loss gal – I know that I have a lot of readers who deal with disordered eating. Conversely, I read a lot of blogs written by those who are in ED recovery.

The obvious similarity is that our problems are problems with food. We eat too much, not enough, obsess over it, control it, and think about it all the time. But it has always gone beyond that for me. The things those struggling with ED write about often hit very close to home with me. While I have dealt with a few food issues, I have never dove deep into disordered eating. Any of my old struggles with food stemmed from a lack of knowledge, nothing deeper than that.

So why do I always read these blogs nodding my head in agreement? I know what it’s like to hate my body. I know what it’s like to find comfort in treating it badly.

I think this is something a lot of people can relate to, not just those who’ve suffered from an eating disorder.

In my REAL story, I say “I went to a deep and dark place, and for a brief moment, myself and my family had genuine concern I wasn’t going to come out.”

At this time in my life, I was suffering from serious anxiety and depression. I found comfort in my depression. I would wake up every morning, and instead of dragging myself through another day, I would cozy up to the awful feelings inside and stay in bed. I would often pull the covers over my head, wishing it was a hole I could just crawl into and lavish in my depressive thoughts forever. There were many mornings where I would collapse on the kitchen floor, crying hysterically to my mother who just wanted me to get up and go to school. I liked where I was in my miserable depressive state, and I stubbornly did not want to venture out.

I also found comfort in treating my body badly. I liked being reckless with it. I found an odd comfort in puffing back cigarettes, knowing they were slowly killing me. Yes, I ingested drugs, again liking how I felt when I was weak and helpless to their effects. I didn’t like myself, so why would I want to take the time to treat my body well? If anything, I wanted to punish my body.

This has been weighing heavily on my mind as I’ve been reading from a lot of bloggers recently about how they found comfort in their eating disorders. It just sounds so much like how I felt about my depression and body during my own darkest days.

So how did I get out of it? It was quite simple actually. My parents brought me to a psychologist who sat me down and told me straight up that I was responsible for my own depression and I was the only person who could get myself out of it. I don’t know what happened, but a light bulb went off in that moment. I realized I didn’t have to find comfort in my depression anymore, but I had the power and ability to crawl out of the hole I dug for myself. Only me. Just one decision.

The body-love took a lot longer to get the hang of. I don’t think that really clicked for me until I decided to lose the extra weight for good. I think part of the reason I was overweight for so long is because I didn’t love my body. During my weight loss process though, I woke up every day with a new confidence in my own skin. It wasn’t because I was getting skinnier, but I was getting skinnier because I respected my body enough to not treat it badly anymore.

So that is my story. My two take-home points are – only you can change your thoughts and state of well being, and your number-one relationship needs to be the one you have with yourself. Love your body, mind and spirit.

 

Question of the Day: What’s one thing you love about your body? One thing you love about your personality? I love my long, lean legs. I’m pushing 5’7” and most of that height is in my legs! I also love my simple personality. I’m a to-the-point kind of person. No drama, no extra fluff. Just plain and simple :)

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Posted on February 5, 2010, in Health, Workouts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.

  1. I love my shape. I’m very hourglass-y and it makes me feel super sexxxay!

    Personality wise, does my brain count? Because I really love being smart.

  2. Amazing post!

    I love that I have a booty and long eye lashes. Personality-wise, I have a wacky sense of humour. I was always the “funny one” of the group and always dug that :D

  3. I love that at years of dance before my accident has given me amazing control over individual muscles. I did a spell with a personal trainer and it drove her nuts that people who had been coming to her for years didn’t know/understand their muscles as well as I did.

    I love that, despite it all, I’m a very positive person and look for the humour in everything.

  4. You know, interesting you write this today, because just today, I was staring at my body and really feeling down about it. I’m not completely out of the funk, because I’m still very in the beginning of my weight loss (only about 3 months, with a lot to go!). As you know, it’s freaking hard sometimes.

    I’m going to go take some time to think about your questions before I decide! I’m going to practice some of that self-love asap.

    (actually, that sounded kind of racy! pshhh)

  5. I do love my boobs, size 34B- perfect for doing anything sporty and small enough they won’t sag until I have kids (I hope!)- and I’m quite witty then I want to be, some may call me funny.

    I do love this post today, I like the blogger world since there is space for everyone to find comfort and validation in whatever their goals are. I think it’s even better that people from both ends of the spectrum can look at each other and our stories and learn something. It’s pretty cool to see the support around these parts- I love it!

  6. I like my eyes. That’s about it I think. But I’m really hard on myself.

    Personality wise? I think it is my ability to be a chameleon. I am comfortable with any crowd. Different aspects of my personality come out depending on my crowd.

  7. Nice post! Body wise I’m grateful it’s functioning well with 21years of obesity as a lot of other folks in my position have some sort of problems medically.

  8. Oh Susan, excellent post! You’re totally right-on w/ the 2 types of bloggers.

    your tough love psychologist sounds like they did wonders for you. Finding comfort in treating yourself and your body badly…so many people do. Look at the obseity epidemic, the disorded eating, or those with undereating ED’s. It’s all intertwined.

    Great post.

    Thing I love about my body. Tall, strong, flexible.
    Personality: dry sense of humor, positive and upbeat

    xoxo

  9. great post, susan. so glad i decided to stay up all night so i could read it. i have noticed the two types of bloggers as well.. and thnk it is epic that we all have such different goals but are all tied together by this tight community. it is awesome.

    thanks for sharing your experiences, thoughts, feelings and advice. you are a strong woman who has lots of wisdom to share with the class. and i love you.

    onto other things..

    holy balls! those ham and cheddah oats look AMAZE! you, my friend, have outdone yourself in the savoUry oats department. yay for momma TGBA coming to visit!

    I MISS YOU ALREADY! mwah!

  10. Awesome post, it’s something that I have come to think about in the past week or so and am tossing up how to express it in words. But for now I am focussing on loving myself and ‘no more fat talk’.

    Favourite thing about my body is having curves. My boobs – 32DD, small waist and a bit of a booty. :) I don’t appreciate my shape enough. Favourite thing about my personality.. I’m multilayered.. I can be quiet or outgoing, as the situation requires.

  11. I love your savory oats! They look amazing, I have GOT to try that.

    I really appreciate your honesty about depression. It is so interesting how two types of bloggers with opposite goals can come together in one community and rejoice over food :)

    One thing I love about my body, well two things: my new muscular butt! I’ve been working on it a lot as well as eating more protein and fat, and it looks bootilicious! Also, I love my nose. I think its cute :)

    Glad to hear you love your long legs! I would kill for some height!

    Have a great day, love!

  12. This post should win an award! I loved the message you were sending and I got it.

    I like my smile and my hair color.

    I am actually pretty laid back and have a good sense of humor.

  13. I’ve noticed a lot of that too and it is such a great message. I try not to focus so much on food on my blog, because I want to have more of a balanced life and not go back to being obsessed with it. I’ll still do recipes and reviews, but not post everything I eat because it puts me in a bad place and a bad relationship with food.

    One thing I like about my body – my legs as well :)

    And about my personality – I think I am a good listener and will give genuine, honest support and advice when asked.

  14. That was very brave of you to share your story and I’m SO proud of how far you’ve come since your darkest moment, Susan!!

  15. Those sound yummy. I really need to give them a try!

  16. Great post!! I think it’s a message that everyone needs to be reminded of.
    My favorite thing about my body is my hourglass figure, and that when I do gain weight, I gain it proportionally.
    Something I love about my personality, is my perceptive abilities. I’m very good at identifying what another person is REALLY thinking/feeling. That also results in good communication skills.

  17. I’m not really sure how to respond to this, Susan. I’m really glad that you did find a way out of the depression and anxiety that was consuming you, but I don’t know if it’s that simple for everybody. Depression is sometimes (NOT always) a chemical problem and needs treated medically. Other times, it’s a reactive illness and responds better to other forms of treatment…whether that is a lighbulb moment, self-help, self-love, relaxation, exercise (all which help chemical depression too, but isn’t usually enough). I don’t know. I know you read a lot of blogs and have a lot of readers and I’m not sure if this post was prompted by something I have said recently… I agree with you on a lot of levels. Maybe I’m just not in a place to hear that I dig my own way out of this, as true as it might be, if that makes sense. There’s far more too it than just body issues (whcih strangely, have never been a prominent feature in my eating disorder). I definitely relate to the comfort/security thing a lot. I’ve written before about how a comfort zone can be the least comfortable place to be, but it’s not until you step out of that do you realise it was so hurtful/damaging. I also think that self-love and self-respect kind of go hand-in-hand…you feel better about yourself when you look after yourself, and you look after yourself when you respect yourself.

    I love my hair- I can curl it or straighten it and it works both ways. All my family have wild frizzy hair :P

    • Thank you for your thoughts as always Ellie! I was just referring to my own personal experience, and wanted to explain why I was randomly deciding to talk about it on my blog. The idea of finding comfort in treating your body badly is something that has always fascinated me. I was medicated for a time, but it was unnecessary as I wasn’t clinically depressed. I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails and questions about how I deal with my anxiety disorder and I hope that people can take something away from how I dealt with my personal situation. But I always, always, recommend speaking to a psychologist, counselor, etc, if anyone is experiencing similar feelings. I wouldn’t have gotten better without mine, even if my personal solution was “simple.”

  18. Superb Susan. Love you, love this post, love those OATS! Holy freaking cow! About me: finding things I love about my body is ridiculously difficult–idk–maybe my ears? They are pointy and small and D jokes that they are elf ears. Plus I can wiggle them a lot. Not matter what I weigh, they will always stay the same :) Personality, hmmm…I like to give people things. that’s nice, right? Happy Friday! xoxo

  19. I guess I like my eyes best. They are greyish blue and for some reason my pupils stay really dilated so they look kind of black with a greyish ring. I have love/hate relationship with my butt. I definately don’t want a flat butt but mine is really extreme for my height.

    Personality wise people seem to think I’m hilarious. Even when I say something normal people respond with “you’re so funny”. Honestly I don’t know if that’s good or bad! lol!

  20. That oatmeal creation looks so creamy and delicious! TGIF FOR SURE!!! Have fun with your mom :)

    Great story about how you came to love your body. One thing I love about my body? My strong legs. I didn’t used to like them mainly because I have muscles in them and all of my friends were bean poles. My personality? I like to think I’m funny and cheer people up.

  21. i couldn’t have said it better myself. it doesn’t matter who we are, i think everyone can relate to problems with food. as different as they may seem on the surface, the causes of them are strikingly alike. i want to give you a big hug for writing this right now – i will save that for banff :)

    i am also 5’7 and i used to hate being tall, but now i LOVE it! i wish i was taller :)

    my personality? i don’t take myself too seriously and like to laugh – i think that is by far my fave part of me :)

    LOVE YOU

  22. April linked up this post and I gotta say, it hit home for me too. Great post and spot on closing points.

  23. You were very lucky to have a good psychologist. There are many very bad ones out there…

    I really liked this post :)

  24. Wonderful words of wisdom, susan!

    xo
    K

  25. i agree with almost everything you have to say in this post! although i do stumble upon another type of “food” blogger — the one who posts about cooking, eating, finding, tasting…sort of like a paula dean or ina garten. there is a part of me that hopes those bloggers have a pure love of food and it’s as plain and simple as that.

    but, i think the whole body love/self love is pretty universal. i think what i love about food bloggers is even though we slip, we are all making strides ;)

  26. I agree with Ellie’s statements (and your response to her statements, and your post, per usual!). I also kinda talked about “dark places” in my last blog post, although I was rather vague. My experience with depression, which goes back pretty far, is that while it’s possible to “pull myself out of it,” it’s sometimes easier or more comfortable not to. I joke with my boyfriend that I prefer being sad to happy, but sometimes that’s how it feels and it’s SO hard to explain because it makes no sense.

    Ok moving on with that…I like my eyes too, and I also like my legs..I feel like they are strong without looking too bulky. And I need them to get me across that half-marathon finish line in August! Personality wise, I am a pretty nurturing and giving person, and I like that.

  27. Very good points, those are words to live by.

    I love my sense of humor and booty :)

  28. This was a wonderful post – so true. I think that you were very blessed to have a great set of parents and a psychologist who was great. And you are a strong person as well. Thanks for sharing this!

    I like that I am pretty patient and I love that I’ve been blessed with children.

  29. Thank you for writing this wonderful post! I love my strong legs that stay muscular and toned no matter what I do and I feel very lucky that I am so comfortable with new and changing situations.

  30. I love, love, LOVE my big green eyes :) As for my personality, I love that I am a very simple person. Being simple is what brought Liam and I together :)

  31. WOW thank you for sharing girl.
    you are amazing-and have learned so much
    parents are awesome too for real

  32. I think that this is SUCH an important thing to write about regardless of where you are with weight/eating/life.

    ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOU!

    I have been thinking a lot about that recently. I can bitch and moan that I am not this or that, or that I am not working out enough. However, what it boils down to is a personal responsibility that I have to insure whatever state I am in.

    I love that my collarbones are sexy and I love LOVE my smile. I love that I am organised and compassionate.

  33. Wow that’s powerful. I didn’t know specifically about your depression and how fortunate that you are that you came through virtually unscathed.

    You are so right about the two kinds of bloggers. I am in the same camp as you.

    Physically: I’d say my eyes. Non-physically- my appreciation for humor.

    Have fun with Mama Balance! :-)

  34. OMG- savory oats are redic. they look sooooo good.

    I like my whole body, but it has to do with how i’m feeling. i either totally rock it- or totally eff it up. my body is an all or nothing kind of thing. but usually, i like my forearms and stomach. :)

    and basically, this is a beautiiful post susan. i really have no words- i think i summed it up in one of my last comments to you.

    • Bekah!! Your slew of comments totally made my Monday morning :) You are a doll. Someday we need to meet up and eat poached eggs together!! Have a good week at school! :D

  35. oh and non physical- i like my maturity for my age. i feel blessed with the sense of self that i have.

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