There Are No Losers

It seems there are TWO winners today! First, the winner of my first ever giveaway.

Suspenseful hush….

…..

#35 – K!!!!!

random

comment

Congrats K!! Send your info to thegreatbalancingact@gmail.com and I’ll send you a free jar of hazelnut almond butter :D Thanks to everyone who entered too! It was a lot of fun to see new names come out of the woodwork. I’ve already got the wheels turning for my next giveaway :)

 

So, who’s the other winner?

ME.

Yup.

I quit my job today.

If you’ve been reading this blog recently, it shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise.

I’ve been working as a reporter at a local radio station. I report the news, covering events and writing stories on said events. Then, every Saturday and Sunday, I’m up at 4am to read the morning newscasts on air. I’ve been doing this job full-time since May 1st, but I did it part-time for two years prior while I was in journalism school.

Most people would be ecstatic to have a job in their field straight out of university, especially in this economic climate. However, during my last year in school, I realized my heart just wasn’t in the business anymore. It was wonderful to study, but I’m just not cut out to be a daily reporter.

I was actually offered my current job and it was an offer I couldn’t refuse. The pay was crappy, but it was easier than having to go out into the real world and finally figure out what I want to do with my life.

But somewhere along the way, life escaped me. My friends disappeared, my boyfriend and family are in different cities, and it became just me and this job. Instead of opening doors, it started closing them. I don’t make enough money to live. I don’t work any sort of regular hours that would allow me to have a social life. I’m 23-years-old and I’m in bed at 9pm every Friday and Saturday night.

You may recall I made the decision to change that. A “five year plan” I called it. But as each day passed, it became more and more unbearable. The thought of getting out of bed, leaving the house, all seemed like too much for me. The person I thought I was began to dissolve, and even the smallest things no longer seemed like enough.

So instead of waiting for that perfect job to appear out of thin air, I’ve decided to just put an end to it already. Today was my breaking point. I was driving home from a lacklustre workout at the gym and realized my feelings over these past several months are more than just part of my natural emotions. I was spiralling out of control. Or as my mother put it, “unravelling.”

I completely broke down on the phone with my mom. I told her I just wanted to quit it all and move home. I moved to this city five years ago to be with a boyfriend, and the only thing that’s keeping me here is Chris. It seems I came here for all the wrong reasons and am now staying for the wrong reasons. At some point, Fredericton stopped feeling like my “home” and more like an ocean I was drowning in.

I have no idea what the future holds. I have 39 days left of my job, my last day being December 6. I want to stay on good terms with my boss and thought it wise to give plenty of notice. I may look for a part-time job until then to make ends meets, as that’s something that’s not happening right now. I’ll be looking for full-time jobs. In what city or field, I have no idea. I do know that I’m terrified to not have a plan. I’m scared to break my lease, move again, be broke, and feel like a failed person.

But I can tell you that the second I hit “send” on my letter of resignation, I felt an old piece of me come back. No matter where I am or where I end up, I promise to not let another minute pass me by. I will live life instead of “waiting it out.” I will not put the happiness of others before my own.

Most of all, I just want my mojo back.

Till’ next time…

-Susan
xo

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Posted on October 28, 2009, in Health, Lessons Learned and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 30 Comments.

  1. Wowza! You are amazing and so brave for following your heart like this. I know you won’t regret this decision, as hard as it may seem at times. Good luck!

  2. It takes much more character to leave a job that you know is not for you than to stay because it’s “safe”. You are such a strong woman. Things will fall into place as they should. You are incredibly inspiring! I remember your post about how much you loved your work as a barista. You never seemed as excited about working as a reporter… So, it’s great that were able to step back and make the right choice. I think you should celebrate your new beginning!

  3. it was difficult for me to take my year-off from acting but i’m so glad i did it. even though it was never easy, i see now that i’m back to it again, how necessary that year was. you’ll figure it all out, just listen to yourself and be honest, which it sounds like you’re doing. good luck!

  4. Are you my soul mate!?! Seriously? After interning at a daily paper a few summers ago I realized my heart would never be in daily reporting, but I was too far into my program to just quit, especially knowing I was hoping to settle down after graduation and my then-boyfriend, now-husband was graduating the same semester as me. I did learn a lot along the way and I love doing newspaper design, but with the crappy economy, most places don’t want designers, they want reporters who are able to design. Bad news for me.

    Good for you… doing what makes you happy! Life is too short to hate your job, I think!

  5. I know exactly how hard that must have been, because it’s what I’ve been trying to do for years now at my current job. Way to be brave and go for what you want.

  6. I have a lot of respect for you, Susan. It’s not easy to step away from something that is ‘secure’, even if it is damaging- kudos to you for having the guts to realise that change only happens with action. I think a lot of people feel similar and dream of starting something different, but are scared to do anything about it (understandably, I guess). I am excited to see where this journey takes you and what you end up doing… :)

  7. It’s much better to do something about a situation that you’re not happy with early on… than to spend months/years being miserable. Life is too short for that.

    I wish you the best of luck in your job/city search and hope you’ll have time to enjoy your friends and family again!! That’s such an important area of your life.

  8. Congrats! Honestly, sometimes you need to have a breakdown to figure out what you REALLY want–I basically had a summer-long breakdown and it resulted in my decision that I’d be miserable as an attorney. And now, I love my new job and I’m so happy–I think you’ll be the same way!

    I vote you go back to Starbucks. Seriously, if it’s what you loved, I think it would be a great starting point–and remind you of what you want in a new job. Plus, they’re always hiring!

  9. Here’s to the mojo! I’m excited for you and so proud of you for taking that scary step. I better be careful–with all these foodie bloggers like you and TIna leaving the grind to pursue other happy things, I might just get some crazy ideas myself :) Good luck babe!!!!! xoxo

  10. Wow! You are so brave! :) It sucks to be in a situation that makes you miserable so I think you did the right thing! I know you’ll find something you love soon!

  11. Big props to you, my friend. I always said that I would rather be poor and doing what I love than rich and hating my job…(not sure where being semi-poor and ambivalent towards my job fits in, but that’s where I am now.) You have to be happy to be healthy, and it sounds like neither was really an option in your current situation.

    I’ve done the same thing myself before, and let me tell you, even though it may be rough for a bit, you’ll look back and be glad you made the decision when you did. That whole, “no time like the present” thing. Plus, it sounds like you have a supportive family, so you’re not completely on your own.

    I say you move here and we open a coffeeshop together. It was my favorite job EVER. Look forward to seeing where life takes you!

  12. Wow, it seems like a lot of food bloggers have been quiting their jobs recently. I’m glad to hear you are making a choice that you think will make you happier. I wish you the best of luck!

  13. I know that feeling very well. I still haven’t figured out what I’m doing, but writting my resignation letter was probably the best thing I’ll ever do for myself. Congrats!!!

    http://eatventures.wordpress.com

  14. Oh wow, thanks!! That just made my morning – I’ll send you an email shortly :)

    Good for you for taking your life into your hands and doing something that will make you feel better. When I decided to go back into teaching, it felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and that I wasn’t “pretending” to be something that I’m not. It sounds like that’s how you feel so I definitely know where you’re coming from.

    Good luck with whatever you choose to do. You’re a lovely, young woman who deserves anything and everything! Life has a funny way of changing and getting away from you so I’m thrilled that you’ve decided to get it all back!! Not a lot of people would have the guts to do what you did so be proud of yourself. Good things will come your way :)

  15. SUSAN…I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! i think you absolutely positively made the right decision. ya know…life is just too dang short to spend time doing things that are making you miserable. i learned that the hard way too by staying in a relationship for far too long.

    even if it takes you months to find something, you are going to be so much happier. and that you cannot put a price on. it is probably scary, but think how exciting it is too. dwell in the possibility of NOT knowing and get excited for all the wonderful things that are coming your way! you are fabulous – never forget that :)

  16. {{{ Hugs}}}

    You can always move on down here, we can start a cafe together!

    Decisions like this are hard, and unfortunately they come up more than once in life. Never see anything as a failure. At least you did something, even if it turned out not to be quite what you were looking for.

  17. It sounds like you made the right decision! Congratulations!

    Good luck with the job search – I know you’ll find something great!

  18. Wowsers! Congrats? I knew you weren’t happy in that job. That’s super scary to quit without something lined up. I wish I had the balls to do that. Good luck to you, love.

  19. Congratulations on taking a leap! I’m sure you’ll land on your feet. This has to be a huge weight off of your shoulders.

    Best wishes.

  20. Congratulations! It’s scary to take the leap but it sounds like it was the best decision for you!

  21. Wow, you are very courageous, and I commend you for doing this. It’s scary, but sometimes scary is good. You totally made the right decision. Rock on and good luck!!!

  22. Congratulations! I wish you all the best. :)

  23. yowza. props susan! i saw it on facebook and finally got the time to come read the post about it! susan i am so proud of you, this post gave me chills. i admire you for going after your heart.. you will find a job that makes you happy every day, and that is what you deserve. you make me smile real big and i love you!

  24. Wow! I’m so happy for you! I’m a firm believer that you should only do a job you love.. so I’m glad your taking that step!

  25. You are incredibly strong and driven and I just know that you’ve made the right decision. You’re too smart of a girl to have done anything but what was absolutely right in this situation. I don’t have to wish you the best of luck….the good stuff will happen because you will make it so.

    ;)

  26. I wrote a long reply to this just as I was about to leave for the airport yesterday, then lost my connection! Gah. Home now, decent internet *touches wood*

    HUGE congratulations, Susan. I know how thrilling and terrifying it can be to leave what is known/secure, for something that is yet to unfold…but I really believe that a lot of things only happen when we take the chance to let them, you know? I have so many friends stuck in jobs they have grown to hate and WANT to leave, but it’s hard to go out there and find your calling without a true commitment. Yup, leaving a job is scary and a blank canvas of a future is scary- but it’s also so incredibly exciting and I can’t wait to see how things turn out for you!

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