There Are No Losers
It seems there are TWO winners today! First, the winner of my first ever giveaway.
#35 – K!!!!!
Congrats K!! Send your info to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send you a free jar of hazelnut almond butter :D Thanks to everyone who entered too! It was a lot of fun to see new names come out of the woodwork. I’ve already got the wheels turning for my next giveaway :)
So, who’s the other winner?
I quit my job today.
If you’ve been reading this blog recently, it shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise.
I’ve been working as a reporter at a local radio station. I report the news, covering events and writing stories on said events. Then, every Saturday and Sunday, I’m up at 4am to read the morning newscasts on air. I’ve been doing this job full-time since May 1st, but I did it part-time for two years prior while I was in journalism school.
Most people would be ecstatic to have a job in their field straight out of university, especially in this economic climate. However, during my last year in school, I realized my heart just wasn’t in the business anymore. It was wonderful to study, but I’m just not cut out to be a daily reporter.
I was actually offered my current job and it was an offer I couldn’t refuse. The pay was crappy, but it was easier than having to go out into the real world and finally figure out what I want to do with my life.
But somewhere along the way, life escaped me. My friends disappeared, my boyfriend and family are in different cities, and it became just me and this job. Instead of opening doors, it started closing them. I don’t make enough money to live. I don’t work any sort of regular hours that would allow me to have a social life. I’m 23-years-old and I’m in bed at 9pm every Friday and Saturday night.
You may recall I made the decision to change that. A “five year plan” I called it. But as each day passed, it became more and more unbearable. The thought of getting out of bed, leaving the house, all seemed like too much for me. The person I thought I was began to dissolve, and even the smallest things no longer seemed like enough.
So instead of waiting for that perfect job to appear out of thin air, I’ve decided to just put an end to it already. Today was my breaking point. I was driving home from a lacklustre workout at the gym and realized my feelings over these past several months are more than just part of my natural emotions. I was spiralling out of control. Or as my mother put it, “unravelling.”
I completely broke down on the phone with my mom. I told her I just wanted to quit it all and move home. I moved to this city five years ago to be with a boyfriend, and the only thing that’s keeping me here is Chris. It seems I came here for all the wrong reasons and am now staying for the wrong reasons. At some point, Fredericton stopped feeling like my “home” and more like an ocean I was drowning in.
I have no idea what the future holds. I have 39 days left of my job, my last day being December 6. I want to stay on good terms with my boss and thought it wise to give plenty of notice. I may look for a part-time job until then to make ends meets, as that’s something that’s not happening right now. I’ll be looking for full-time jobs. In what city or field, I have no idea. I do know that I’m terrified to not have a plan. I’m scared to break my lease, move again, be broke, and feel like a failed person.
But I can tell you that the second I hit “send” on my letter of resignation, I felt an old piece of me come back. No matter where I am or where I end up, I promise to not let another minute pass me by. I will live life instead of “waiting it out.” I will not put the happiness of others before my own.
Most of all, I just want my mojo back.
Till’ next time…